Carrying the Positivity Award around with me the past 2 weeks has given me a lot of opportunities to explain what NP is to friends and strangers (#notacult) and reassure them that it’s not a weapon (my coworkers have all been terrified). But it’s also given me a lot of time to reflect on what this simple piece of wood, that means nothing to most people, means to me.
I got a little lost this year. And not in the “can someone teach Coach how to drop a pin so we can find the workout” way, but in the “how did I find myself here” way. I had spent the winter becoming more and more entrenched in an unhealthy situation and woke up one morning in February and didn’t recognize my life.
I never talk about how tough it really was as I struggled to remove myself from that situation. Only my closest friends know that I spent days in bed, refusing talk to anyone. Even fewer people know I wound up in the emergency room shortly after that, being treated for dehydration. And no one knows that I had pretty much given up. I was watching other people live their lives and felt like I was just standing there.
That night in early February in the ER was a wake-up call for me. This wasn’t me. Sure, I’m not the most outgoing person and was often more content to blend into the background at workouts, but I had never given up before. Why was I staying in a bad situation, and more importantly, why was I letting it define me? When did I stop being the confident person I knew I was? And how do I find my way back?
On Tuesday, February 23, I slept on a friend’s couch, woke up at 5:30am and, despite the rain, we made our way to Bridge Day. For 38 minutes, we just ran. I was out of shape and it hurt. I wanted to stop and cry, and I might have if it weren’t for the encouragement and high-fives from everyone else as we ran by. I finished the workout, and for the first time since I started going to NP in 2014, I felt like those post workout hugs really mattered. Like I really mattered.
In the following weeks, I stopped standing on the sidelines and watching. Was it hard? Damn right. Did I use the “fake it till you make it” strategy when I was uncomfortable? You bet. But you should try it. Do something that makes you uncomfortable. Talk to a stranger or give someone a hug. You never know what someone else is struggling with and maybe that simple act will be a game changer for them. I know it was for me.
And now? Now I no longer hang on the outskirts of the bounce; I jump right in to hug old and new friends. People who were once strangers are now friends I text 97 times a day. I would drop everything if they needed me and know they’d do the same for me. I #VERBALED to Summit even though I had to leave the Blue Mountains at 3:30am to make it home for a wedding. Why? Because life is so much better when you stop watching and start living it. And NP knows how to live.
It may have taken me a little longer to step outside my comfort zone and really become part of this community, but I’m thankful every day that I finally did. In the past 5 months, I’ve pushed myself harder, PR’d at the half marathon, 10k and 5k distances, laughed until I’ve cried, and cried until I’ve laughed. Not only have I found my way back to the person I used to be, but NP has made me a better, happier, healthier, and more positive person.
Looking at the Positivity Award reminds me of the adversity I’ve overcome this year, but it also reminds me of how much further we can all go when we support each other. When Jeanie tossed the Positivity Award to me I realized I wasn’t lost anymore. NP is home and I’m so glad you’re all here.
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Friday: Astoria Park, 6:28 a.m.
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