Today our guest blog comes courtesy of Chad Christoff. Chad is our favorite blog critic and so this post is special not only as a birthday present, but because we’ve been waiting for him to step it up for a long time now. Maybe this was meant for last Friday. Maybe he was here today. Don’t worry about that now. Ladies and Gents, we give you Chad/C^3/Chad,Crewnecks&Corn:
Iowa Chad Christoff:
Because I’ve been promising and because it is the birthday weekend of our fearless LieutenantGeneral (yes, both of them), this morning I’m stepping in to give them a well-earned reprieve. However, I’m stepping in off-site. Remote blogging, if you will.
So, while I wasn’t present at today’s workout, I present to you with 99% accuracy what actually took place:
Tribe: In bedrooms across Denver, alarms go off. Tribespeople begrudgingly rub their eyes, looking for the snooze button. Until they realize it is Wednesday. Hit with the rush of excitement for NP5280, they tear off the covers, heel click their way out of bed, and head towards downtown Denver.
Tribe: Gathering at the base of the Denver Capitol Building stairs. A smattering of people mill about, bouncing gently, hugging, exchanging pleasantries.
Lieutenant: let’s, uh, let’s go ahead and, uh, bring it in for a little bounce.
General: BRING IT IN FOR A FUCKING BOUNCE, PEOPLE!!!! FUCKING CLOSER!!!!
General: Good Morning!
Tribe: GOOD MORNING!
General: Y’all Good?!
Tribe: FUCK YEAH!
Lieutenant: We’ve got a great workout for you today. We’re going to go ahead and, uh, run up these here steps and then, uh, turn around and run down these steps. Now, when you get to the bottom, let’s just go ahead and go back up the steps. Sound good?
Tribe: Awkwardly wander about until in a position that seems adequate to start a workout.
Lieutenant: Uh, go?
Tribe: Begin workout.
Benny: Begins playing first song of the workout. Obviously needing a proper warmup. CAVEAT: Decent chance Benny is fully out of commission.
Tribe: Layers begin being shed. A pile of discarded jackets, hoodies, vests, and other warm articles line the base of the stairs.
General: RACE EVERYTHING PEOPLE! POWER AND PERFECTION, BYAHHHH! (Yes, Howard Dean-style)
Lieutenant: Makes a cameo on a couple laps of stairs. Generally dominates. Engages tribe in friendly personal conversation. OMG, HE CARES ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US!
Benny: Minimum third playing of the same Taylor Swift and/or Nicki Minaj song.
Tribe: Breathing heavily, nice and sweaty.
Lieutenant: 5 Minutes! Let’s finish strong!
Lieutenant: 4 Minutes! Let’s go, let’s go!
General: FINISH STRONG! Kneels so she can look you directly in the eyes, singlehandedly willing tired Tribespeople to go Beast Mode on that final lap of stairs.
Tribe: Forms tunnel at base of final staircase, hand raised in unison, cheer in remaining tribesmen/women finishing off the stairs. Lots and lots of “woos” and “fuck yeahs”.
Lieutenant: Let’s get on the stairs here for a nice little picture. Very important announcements today. Let’s see, I know there are announcements. North Face Endurance Challenge running thing. Let’s all do that. Fun times, good people. You should all be sure to log in to the NP site. Let’s track these workouts. Happy hour running thing. Yeah, we should do that too. CHECK THE BLOG, IT WILL HAVE ALL OF THE IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
Lieutenant: Alright, who brought a camera? Let’s see, I know somebody’s got a camera.
Rishabh and/or other Tribesperson: Sets up camera.
Lieutenant: Suggests outlandish pose for picture. Perhaps something along the lines of “everyone bend over backwards and then hug the person to their left”.
Rishabh and/or other Tribesperson: Takes picture.
General: Let’s get five hugs. Hug it out, bitches.
Tribe: A tidal wave of sweaty hugs sweeps the base of the stairs. Exchanging of pleasantries continues. Community happens. The strength of the tribe grows.
Lieutenant General: Milling about. So, who wants to blog today? Christina, guest blog? Woody, guest blog? K-Wally, you want to guest blog? No, ok, next week then.
Lieutenant General: Hugging it out, part ways, another successful workout/community building event/good time/proliferation of free fitness in the books.
In all seriousness, I dearly miss every NP5280 workout that I’m not able to attend, and while I do believe that the workout went something very similarly to that described above, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Dan and Molly, you guys are the best. We appreciate you and everything you do, so willingly and selflessly. The least I can do is a little birthday gift guest blog.
Sending you a virtual sweaty birthday hug, but I hope your best birthday gift is the 50 or so real hugs you received this morning from your loving, admiring, and loyal Tribe.
[INSERT REQUIRED DISCLOSURES]
FRI 5:30/6:15A: Highland Hills, meet at Hirshorn Park (3000 Tejon St).