CONTENT WARNING This post discusses child abuse, child sexual abuse and disordered eating. Resources for support are listed at the bottom of the blog.
Having a community in the best of times is wonderful, but we also strongly value being a community that sees each other through challenging times and accepts one another in the completeness of our experiences. Today we’re proud to be sharing a special guest blog from November Project NYC member – and recently published author – Patty Cabot:
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month
Did you know?
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- 3.6 million child abuse cases are reported in the U.S. each year.
- Every 9 minutes, authorities respond to another report of child sexual abuse.
- 1 out of 4 children will be sexually abused before they reach age 18.
- 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator.
As staggering as these numbers are, these are reported cases. What happens when it’s too shameful to tell? That is especially true of child sexual abuse. I know because for most of my life I felt ruined by mine.
For 20 years, I battled drastic weight fluctuations every two years. Exhausted and increasingly desperate to end this cycle, I started working with a therapist specializing in eating disorders. She believed my weight cycling was a symptom of my childhood sexual abuse, which honestly, never crossed my mind. Because I did what lots of people who experience trauma do. I buried it deep underground and never thought about it. But not addressing it didn’t make it go away. Just the opposite. It ruled my world in ways that were unconscious to me. It was with this realization that I began a 12-year journey working with my therapist and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a chiropractor to release trapped “fight or flight” responses, a sex therapist and group therapy for sexual abuse.
Like many members of November Project, I’m a runner. My desire to run was born out of EMDR, when I told my therapist that if I could, I’d run so fast. It sparked my love, and at times, compulsion, for running that has continued for 15 years. As my therapist often said, running held something for me that was bigger than running. It gave me a means to escape, to outrun those who would hurt me and made me feel strong and powerful.
When I first read about November Project in its early days I was intrigued, but only went to my first NP NYC workout last May. At the time, Co-Leaders Dana and Em told me they were glad I was there, and I believed it. Here I found what my therapist had always hoped I’d find: community. I feel welcome—and accepted—for exactly who I am. And that has continued (although Em has since passed her baton to Catie who makes me feel every bit as welcome). So much so that on a rainy Friday workout on Randall’s Island last September I tentatively whispered to Dana that I was publishing a book about my experiences. Speaking it out loud was scary yet necessary, and with each person I’ve told my burden has become smaller.
The sexual abuse of children is an especially insidious thing because it leaves its imprint on every part of you. It’s taken me a long time to believe that it’s not my shame, it’s not my blame and I no longer need to keep this secret. And while I am grateful, I am profoundly aware that I am very much in the minority. The secrets and shame only end when the silence ends, and that begins with opening our eyes to what’s right in front of us. If you know or suspect a child needs help, do something. Do anything. Resources are available:
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- Call or text the Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline at 1.800.4.A.CHILD (1.800.422.4453) or chat at https://www.childhelphotline.org/
- Call RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), the largest anti-sexual violence organization, at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or chat at https://rainn.org.
And if you were sexually abused as a child, know this: whatever happened, it’s not your fault.
You can download a free copy of my memoir Not that Girl Anymore at https://www.pattycabot.com/not-that-girl-anymore and reach me at pattycabot1010@gmail.com. I’m rooting for you.
