All views are my own, and are malleable, and inspired the current blog from 4 years of life experience in or around November Project.
Sierra here, NOT reporting live, and attempting to recap my thoughts on the power of showing up.
There’s a separate blog forming that pertains to more personal context, and I’m going to spell it out here as mere possible suggestions with a, “How To Show Up For Yourself And Your Community In Just Three Ways.”
This is the simpliest and hardest of them all (figures). You either are doing this and practice it all the time—in some cases, more than once a day. Or, you aren’t doing this in the slightest and are confused by what I’m even alluding to.
What does showing up for yourself mean? For me, it looks and doesn’t look like the following:
If you’re someone who shows up for themselves, you arrive by the time you said you would. You communicate when you realize the moment plans change. You know how to stand up for yourself despite any circumstance – with the sole purpose of being understood, not to cause extra pain or to be inconvenient or to delay any progress. You give space to those who misinterpret your intention to share, discuss any reasons why earlier communication led to this point, and you both move forward feeling that any miscommunication is cleared up and you are on the same page OR make time to come back to hear each other out, maybe with another person present to help see both sides more clearly.
For me, these are just examples of communication that highlight integrity within oneself. I have been on both ends of the scale, holding others accountable and have had people hold me accountable. The more you practice, it’s easier to patiently listen, intentionally speak, and commit. The practice of listening to others can lead to hearing what is actually keeping them from following up or being scared or being disingenuous – realizing how they are showing up for you, might have nothing to do with you.
Point is, if you can keep yourself balanced despite what is going on around you, the better off you’ll be when the time comes to grow with others for a smaller (micro) group or for larger (macro) groups. Humans are social beings, how are you showing up?
For Others (Micro).
The ‘Others’ – a thriller movie starring Nicole Kidman is not where I’m going with this…or is it.
When other humans come into play, there are basic factors that need to be considered before going forward, here’s a handful: your previous commitments, your ability to collaborate, your ability to compromise, what your non-negotiables (I.e. values, concrete preferences, even weaknesses or prior commitments that seperately / collectively don’t support what is being cultivated) are, HOW YOU HAVE FUN / can get related, and how you’re holding yourself and others accountable.
Those factors have been in play since I was growing up: how they related to my family, school, teams, friendships, etc. and how they impacted my goals. When I pushed or broke agreements, there were ramifications. When others broke group agreements, there were ramifications for them which impacted the entire group. “For every action, there is a reaction,” (or something like that). When others come into play, more is at stake. You can’t just think of yourself or what you need, and you better be taking care of your personal needs so that they don’t start creeping into what you’re creating / committing to. AND FUN: sometimes you’re getting to know people for the first time, how do you support others if you haven’t tried the basic ways of connecting like when you were a kid? Sometimes as an adult (I use that word loosely), we can project onto someone from how we are currently being treated and that can get UGLY. Instead, what does it look like to keep the filter of interacting with others from a curious, seeking-to-understand place like when you were outside for recess during your school day? One reason(s) that I hear a lot: IT’S HARDER NOW THAT I’M TIRED, STRESSED, HATE MY JOB, FIGHTING WITH MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER, THEY WERE MEAN TO ME / THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME FUNNY, PISSED AT MY FAMILY, oh – AND THE SKY IS FALLING.
Cool, cool. When that stuff is acting up, it can eat up a lot of your emotional and physical energy. Sometimes when that happens, it’s out of our control. And other times when that happens, it’s 100% within your control. My suggestion: check in with yourself, figure out what is or is not within your ability, adjust what you want to still commit to and what you wish to let go, and move on. If it’s taken awhile to get to this point, loop in a person or team to help you figure it out, and try out a solution to get you through the transition.
Life is hard, don’t make it harder on yourself or others by trying to do it on your own. I’m not that old, and everytime Stubborn Sierra is at the wheel, I get to learn a lesson more than once. Not my type of fun.
For Others (Macro).
I signed up for a Macro Economics class in college. I didn’t make it past the first week. As a big believer in the micro interactions, I know they yield macro results…so hang tight for my thoughts on this section.
Alright then, The Macro. Why does this section matter? Here’s my two cents:
Where the world is at: this current state of the world in which we live involves being in a rush, a lot of fear, and a lot of language shifts. One deals with the ever-present factor of time and the other two stem from communication. From where I stand, if we spent a fraction of the time that we did holding onto grudges, scrolling through IG feeds and binge watching Netflix, we could maybe free up 5-10 minutes to spend being present when interacting with another human. Maybe not rushing it, valuing the words being shared and the ones being shared in return. Crazy, I know. For me, working in a service industry has taught me a lot about the value of understanding the person coming into our space quickly and efficiently to better their experience, and also the lack of it being reciprocated for me or my team. It’s fascinating. Even basic human decency is thrown out the window some days – I’m talking about things like eye contact, letting someone finish what they’re saying before speaking, maybe saying a please and thank you, or have a good day at the end of it all.
It’s the job, so they say. Or is it something else?
Where the world is going: goodness, we do and don’t know the answer to this one. The Macro results of our collective human experience have created results from both previous and current generation’s decisions. Overwhelming? It can be.
My question or call to action: what can you be doing to hold yourself accoutable to be the best version of yourself in this moment, there by bettering your current micro relationships, that ultimately better the future macro groups that you are connected to (whether you like it or not).
Again, life is hard. That’s not an excuse to just focus on yourself and forget how you show up for the bigger picture. Some areas may involve a lot of change and self awareness. Some may involve an entirely new habit to be formed. Some may even require binging on Netflix or a Podcast to learn more about what you don’t know. For me, I’m still a book person, but I’m adapting to technology. It can vary from bigger things like a career change, a break-up, a new commitment, or a wayyy long overdue conversation to clear the air with someone. It can also look like downtime, getting enough sleep, and making time for self care. Or, realizing you may never get an apology for something and letting that shit go.
At the end of the day, all you can truly control is the choice you make in a moment. I heard a proverb / ideology / saying the other day, that from one singular moment, there are 3,000 possibilities that can come from it.
Three-thousand decisions to consider.
With that, I leave you with a quote that I got from my brother at some point when we still lived under the same roof, “Decisions are easy when values are clear.”
Check yourself before you wreck yourself…or others.
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