How to Prepare for Winter NP-ing

Just like a mullet, the following proceeds in the order of: business in the front, party in the back.

Business:

1. Does anyone have access to 500 feet of rope, approximately 0.5 inch in diameter? It will likely not be returned, and will be cut into pieces. Reasoning will remain undisclosed, but if you have a rope guy, contact one of your trusty NP MKE leaders.
2. Just a reminder, the Icebreaker Marathon at the Pettit National Ice Center is coming up in a little over a month. To register, visit this page. Hurry, it’s filling up quickly. To spectate, bring your best outdoor voice to the Pettit Center on January 28 and get pumped.
3. Keep your ears peeled like a banana for a social event during this holiday season.

 

Party:

How to Prepare for Winter NP-ing because we’re #weatherproof #nondwindlers (Editor’s note: all of the below assume that you are following these steps on a Tuesday or Thursday night. If not, optional Step 0 is “Wait for Tuesday or Thursday to come around, then proceed to Step 1”):

Step 1: Set your alarm, disable the snooze button, and rid your mind of bogus excuses.

Step 2: Before powering down for the night, contact your squad and threaten them. Make sure they are scared *just enough* into joining you tomorrow morning.

Step 3: Get into bed, close your eyes, and dream a little dream of me and the rest of your tribe.

Step 4: Upon the first hint of your alarm clock, swiftly jump from your bed and put your toes on the ground, yelling “It’s a great day to kick my own butt! Cheers to early mornings, snow-covered streets, and self-inflicted gluteal soreness!”

Step 5: Choose your clothes (unless you’re one of those anal people who sets them out the night before. In this case, proceed to Step 6). Suggested winter items are: gloves (yes Will, these are recommended), buffs, ugly Christmas sweaters, thicker/two pairs of socks, ski masks, two pairs of tights, base layers (on the top and bottom, where possible), and strange hats.

Step 6: Put all aforementioned (see Step 5) clothing items onto your person. If you are having trouble determining the best order in which to don your winter clothing, just play this video in reverse. In addition, here is a song to accompany the process.

Step 7: Ensure that all body surfaces are covered besides the occasional empty space on your face. This helps you to avoid any stiff Milwaukee winds and/or other people’s sweat.

Step 8: Exit your home. Make your way to the respective NP location and greet your fellow tribespeople with a hug and a “Boy, did I dress appropriately!” Even if this statement is a lie, #positivity is a good way to forget about frostbite. During the workout, only complain a little bit about being cold.

Step 9: Take inventory: should you have worn another pair of gloves? Take note for the next workout.

Step 10: Revel in your winter coping skills – preferably after a warm shower, with a cup of something warm in hand, looking at pictures from the workout.

Congratulations, you made it through a winter workout in Milwaukee! You only have five more months of them – stick with the procedure (Steps 0-10) and you’ll be having buckets of fun with your tribe. If you left your gloves, hat, or jacket at a workout (shame on you), it is likely that Roger, DG, or I have them. Just ask.

Stay warm, stay amazing, and see you Wednesday.

– Christine

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