Seeing it through my eyes

I haven’t always felt included at NP.

I certainly did feel included and welcomed by Andrew, Jen, and Nadim. Since day 1 for me.

But truly, I’ve felt left out at times. In my 6+ years of being part of the incredible NP community, I was never part of any groups that exist/existed. More specifically, I was never invited into these groups.

As I was asked to consider this incredible leadership role with NP, I honestly thought there are many other people who could/should have been asked. But, since it was me being asked, I thought about it seriously and brought up some of my concerns around feeling included… and excluded. 

• I’m not white.
• I’m not in a clique.
• People sometimes call me Rachel (you know, the other brown girl who comes to NP).
• I’m not Andrew, Jen, Nadim or Rob.
• I’m kinda quiet at NP.

That I wasn’t always included in deep rooted friendship groups isn’t the best feeling but I would still kindly wave and say hello (and get a hello in response of course) and then go and talk to my friends. I’m an adult. I get it. People show up and want to see their friends. But for those of us who have fewer NP friends, it doesn’t feel awesome.

How could I still feel kinda on the outskirts of this amazing community after 6 years?!?! I’ve seen so many people start coming years after me and they easily settled into these cliques.

I can’t/couldn’t help but notice that “newer” community members are fit and white.

Please don’t let that burn. This is not intended to be an inflammatory comment, it is simply an observation I’ve made many times over the years. I truly don’t mean to say that in a crappy way. Please take it for what I (and others) would have experienced or felt.

What I now know this to be is social capital. And, in this case, a lack of it.

I didn’t have the same level of social capital in fitness circles, November Project included, as I did in other areas of my life.  I can’t recall feeling out of place at a fancy fundraising gala or a business networking function or any kind of industry event. I’m good in these spaces. And, when I go to these kinds of events, I tend to know a lot of people (ask Nadim).

But at November Project, I didn’t have the same kind of social capital. 

So, I didn’t do things like attend Summit or go to weekend NP socials (bowling, beer nights, etc) or jump in a group NP photo at a race… the list goes on. I came to a screening of NP’s documentary, Showing Up, by myself. Of course I said hi to those around me but yeah, I sat by myself. 

I’ve missed out on a lot.

Until now.

Yes, we’re in a pandemic. Yes, we can’t see each other easily. Yes, we wave from afar if we do see each other.

Since taking on this co-leader role though, something has changed. For starters, most of you know now (if you didn’t before) that I’m Lazina… not Rachel. You have empathy for the fact that I’ve attempted to step into a role that was filled by some incredible people in our city. You’ve welcomed me. 

It’s not you who has changed. It’s me.

I’ve had a bit of an epiphany.

Yes, I may not have always felt included. And I can’t change those not so awesome experiences. But I noticed something shift in me as I said yes to this huge leadership role.

I’m putting myself out there more. Why? I want to get to know you. I always did actually.

Since being a co-leader, I do my best to show up for you… and for me. Whether it’s a birthday run, a backyard visit, an outside hello on a hill, or a chat on a virtual NP social, I’ve connected. I know your name and now, I know some things about you. Stuff that you all knew about each other years ago.

I realize that I should have put myself out there long ago. You have been so welcoming over the past few months and I bet this is something that hasn’t changed about you – aka you probably would have been welcoming then.

It’s me who has changed a bit of my perspective.

Though it’s hard/impossible to step into circles where I feel I have less social capital, I should have attempted it. Even once. 

I’ve had an incredible life transformation coming to NP and I think that if I put myself out there a bit more, I could have had an even richer experience at 6am.

But, one can only do that if they feel they’d be accepted. Maybe that’s the mental barrier I never jumped over for years and years.

Until now.

I think what I’m offering here is a perspective on how we can alter the atmosphere inside others with our own actions (as a very good friend of mine taught me a few years ago). Maybe something in this long ass blog post will resonate with you and may even help you to include and support those around you.

Maybe you didn’t notice before that these people around you weren’t included….

I really am looking forward to getting to know you better. 6+ years later.

If I’ve said something here that you want to talk about, I really want to hear from you. Reach out. Covid or not, we can certainly find a way to connect and chat.

As Nadim shared many months ago, I’d rather “call in” than “call out” actions or behaviours. I think we learn more this way – and, in a way that is open, transparent, and real.

~togetherisbetter

Lazina

November Project Community Agreements

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