Fuck It (SF Guest Blog!)

Today’s blog post comes from one of our tribe’s most beloved members, Caity Rogowski. “Rogo” made the smart move to leave DC and join our band of weirdos and hasn’t looked back. Thanks for being here, Caity. And thanks for sharing this with the tribe.

A few up front apologies before we get started:

1. To the creators of the English language: I’m sorry — I made up a few words and I didn’t even attempt to find accurate replacements. Also, grammar? Let’s not kid ourselves. And referencing idioms correctly? No chance. My b.
2. To my mom: I curse and am otherwise fairly conversational and informal in this post and I didn’t write about that topic you suggested. My b.
3. To Laura, Paddy, and Zip: I have no idea if this is even remotely related to the tribe, the movement, the workouts, etc. Thanks for asking me to write and giving me the freedom to write about “anything” even if you regret it after reading this post. My b.
4. To anyone who hates long-winded narratives that never really seem to make a point.

TOO FUCKING BAD. I’m kidding. I’m sorry.

Anyway. Wanted to write about a topic I’ve been thinking about 98% of the time… I always feel like something is holding me back. Is it myself, is it a tangible barrier, is it just a perceived limitation? It’s constant. It’s distracting. Most importantly: it’s gotta be solvable.  I’ve started wondering lately what goes into our process of making decisions and why it feels like each one bears some sort of scalable burden. After some time I realized I can’t think of the last time I decided something swiftly — without overtalking, overanalyzing, and overstressing the 874 different results that could stem from that choice. Even picking out granola bars at the store the other night — total fucking dilemma.

Whether it’s the small, daily choices or something bigger and more life-impacting (should I got to Alaska by myself, should I not go to Alaska by myself), it feels like there are so many steps before you get to a final decision. That’s just really starting to bother me. It’s standing out as a way of living life that I don’t want to prescribe to. I wonder: how would I spend my time and energy if I didn’t discuss everything to death? Why don’t I feel confident, empowered, and excited, even, to make choices and move on? Instead of living in this constant state of decision making or debate, I want to flip the ratio and dedicate a respectable amount of resources to a topic or scenario and then live in the decision instead of in the question.

What’s super meta about this post is that you’re going to sit there and spiral while thinking about why you aren’t making decisions and for that I’m sorry and slightly amused. But I’m serious!

Why aren’t we making decisions? Is it because we’re not sure we’re making the right choice? Because someone might disagree? Because we’re going to have to deal with the fall out of our choice? Because we can’t take it back? Because there are TOO many choices to pick from? Because we might lose someone over it? Because it’ll change life as we know it? Because it’ll give us heartburn and make you fat (cheese, am I right?)? Because we don’t want to? All of the reasons to hesitate or avoid a decision are super valid, but aren’t they also dragging us down?  And then I think about the fact that debating a decision has been a way for me to connect with others. As someone who typically rolls solo, I’ve been working on ways to bring people into my life and connect with family and friends. Part of that comes from talking things out, getting other people’s opinions whom I trust and value, and getting a perspective I wouldn’t otherwise consider. That takes time, that takes energy, sure. Is it lazy, though? Is there some stuff that we should feel capable of deciding on our own? Is it possible for me to ask one more question in this post? The answer to all three of those questions is yes.

So fast forward to that point when you’re fed up with the debate. The hemming and hawing. The this or that. The what ifs. Say you want to stop impersonating a Gemini and just move on already. What gets you over that hump to a final decision? (See, I asked another question. Point for me.) By no means am I telling you to skip those moments of pause, feedback, and
collaboration completely. But what I’m really saying is ride it out. STREAMLINE [professional jargon shudder] the thought process. What and who really matters?  I got to this point at work and in real life where I started finding value in the “just go for it” mentality. Instead of “what if?” I say “so what.” My bosses are now reading this wondering what a mistake it is that they’ve given me so much responsibility in the office. I promise I’m still “fairly rational.” (Making a Friends reference; pause for applause.)

But is there really a need to attach so much risk to a decision? Wavering on a decision is like the new “ignorance is bliss.” If we delay making the decision, we’re still living in this in-between, grey area where anything is possible. Where we’re waiting for someone else to validate a choice so we can share the responsibility of the outcome. Grow up, Peter Pan! What I’m really saying (Laura right now is like THANK GOD) is stop beating around the bush.

Stop doubting yourself. Stop being afraid. Stop dicking around. Stop flirting with it, and just FUCK IT. Do the damn thing.
Eat the fries. (seriously, always eat the fries. this isn’t a difficult choice.)
Skip the run.
Dump the significant other.
Or propose to them! I don’t know your life…
Buy the plane ticket.
Buy the car.
Buy the house.
Make the suggestion at work.
Or quit the job! Heyoo.

Whatever you do, do NOT come blaming me for any unsavory consequences of this new lifestyle. It’s all you, baby! But guess what: you’re being the active lead in your life and you get to soak in all the glory and the guts. Is guts the opposite of glory? You get it. Seriously, stop flirting with an idea, with a choice, with something you want to do or not do.
Stop flirting with it and just say “fuck it.”

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