How does one start off a blog like this? I’m very unsure. It’s not like we haven’t been writing blogs for the past 3 years, but this one is a little different. If you were at our 3rd annual City Glow event on Friday, then you know the news. The bittersweet, exciting news: this Wednesday will be my last workout as one of the co-leaders of NP Baltimore.
I’ve been receiving questions a lot, which is 100% understandable. But let me answer a few right off the bat: no, I’m not moving out of Baltimore. Pat and I are not breaking up. I am not injured and my job didn’t force my hand. And I can’t begin to explain how ecstatic I am that none of these things are happening (for obvious reasons)! The real way I can describe everything is with the below email, the email I sent out to a number of November Project leaders who have impacted my life over these past few years. But the fact is, is that our tribe, you, my friends deserve to hear it too. Because you have rocked my world, inspired me to be better, and pushed me to who I am today. And because I love you.
Trust me, I’m sitting in a puddle of my own tears writing this, but as a warrior princess, I want and need to explain. At this point you can go back to your work or lunch break or nose-picking, or you can indulge in my sappiness.
Three+ years ago, Pat and I met a man on a semi-blind semi-double date who was as weird then as he is now, just with a trustworthy beard today. And I love this kid even more so today, beard or not. Nick introduced us to a movement that has flipped my life upside down and torn what I thought I had wanted to pieces in the greatest way possible. And each one of you played a major part in that.
I have known most of you for a majority of the past three years and to use words to describe what you have given to me is pointless. There really is no point because you KNOW the love and relationships: the love you feel daily from your tribe, your friends, those mornings that leave you in awe. The way I feel about one of the best hugs I have ever received, I feel about each one of you.
Before November Project, I did my own thing. I was afraid to try new activities – activities I wasn’t good at. I never thought I would stay on the East Coast. I didn’t even know that Baltimore was a city, let alone the best city. I was 100% sure I would never be a good runner or remotely in shape. I swore off any marathon or long race. I didn’t have friends around the country or the globe. I thought buffs were for muscle beach in LA. Mornings were for sleeping, and sleeping only. But we know how NP fucks all of that up. Shakes up the snowglobe on the things we think we know.
Each and every one of you pushed me far out of my comfort zone. Not with a huge shove, but with a loving hug. The best hug. The biggest bear hug. The most uncomfortable comfortable hips-in-hug around. Then a light knock on the shoulder and out I went. And I know that it may have been a shitty morning that day or we didn’t get along or I just didn’t feel like standing around in 17 degree weather, but I knew…I know…that there is a huge support system encouraging me to be myself, to feel my feelings, and to know that I’m not alone. That I’ve never been alone in this. And I never will be.
I know you believe me when I say that these past 3 years have been the best of my life. I know you believe me because you feel it too. This all-too-real thing that we started/cultivated in our cities makes a profound impact on our lives day in and day out, whether we are up front, or laying down on the ground nearby taking photos, bandaging up a bloody wound, or giving someone a hug in the back of the bounce. It exists without us, but we helped get it here. YOU have made a profound impact on me and your cities, and I hope you continue to do so.
I’m not stepping down because I hate Pat or get all hulk-like at the thought of NP, but instead because of the fire. My internal fireplace was stoked and fueled properly, and it burned intensely for years and years, reinvigorated by incredible stories, simple mornings, and talks with each and every one of you. But over the course of many months, that fire started to slow, to dwindle, to make it hard to give NP my very best, when I knew I could give so much more. There are many individuals that I have watched in the tribe that started with small fires which then grew to bonfire take-over-the-backyard size in the blink of an eye, and I knew it was time. It’s that terrible bittersweet feeling where you know it would be easier to stay, but it wouldn’t be right for the tribe as a whole or for yourself personally. I’m excited this next week to introduce you to a lady who has one of the strongest fires I know for NP, who will serve this tribe well and get along with each of you very well. Her name, is Emily Bryson. It’s fine. It’s totally fine. You’re crying. I’m not crying.
All I can say is thank you. I love you. And that I am so incredibly proud to know you and of you as a person – the roles you take, the positivity you continuously all spread, the light you pour out into the darkness. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still your friend, me as a leader or not, so get used to it. Did I say I love you? Because I do.
This applies to you. Especially to every member of the Baltimore tribe. I have never felt more loved, more grateful, or more humbled to be a part of your story, and to have each of you be a part of mine.
And I cannot even begin to describe the joy and love and appreciation I have for two of the strongest men in my life: Nick + Pat. The three of us have come so far together and have worked so well as a team, covering each other’s weaknesses for strength and knowing and loving our city together. Our team taught me more about how to have healthy relationships than anything else ever has. I love you, too much. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of the crazy ride that cannot be compared to anything, anything at all. I’m excited to see you two both grow and adapt and work just as hard with Emily. I hope she kicks your ass. But know I’m not going anywhere. Did you think Mother Goose would?
Trust your fire. Trust your friends. Trust your city. I could write one thousand times more and post a dozen more photos but I’ll end it here: an amazing woman tells me often that “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone,” so I’m excited to see what happens next. xoxo
