This is my Friend Jason, this is his experience of the Buffalo tribe after coming since the very first week!! Mad props for coming out the first week to see what this crazy, fun, challenging and November Project community is all about.
When one of my yoga instructors, Steve Procknal, first mentioned the idea of pledging NP in Buffalo, I immediately became amped and excited about doing so. But for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to be a part pledging NP for the reason I embarked on many ende(aor otherwise): I wanted to be admired by others for doing something I felt was unique and challenging that only a select group of individuals could accomplish. What I did not realize at that time, though, was how being a part of pledging NP, and later becoming a NP Tribe (AWESOME!) would expose a gaping hole of self-confidence in myself, but also help me to begin to repair that hole.
I always had felt that my self-worth needed to be supported and justified by others’ opinions of me, and that impressing others meant that I was a good and valued person. I often could not wait to tell people that “I” accomplished a yoga pose, “I” ran a half-marathon, or “my” team won a championship, because I craved responses such as, “Wow! Not many people can say that,” “You’re in great shape,” and “That’s so impressive.” These responses, i.e. validation from others, made me feel valuable and worthwhile because I essentially was being placed above others that did not accomplish such feats. If these responses were not received, the individual naturally was jealous and I was better for not being a jealous person.
That first chilly May morning pledging NP, I actually was excited that there was a rather small group. After all, I was one of a select few that had gotten up early, braved the cold, and signed up for the unknown. People would be so impressed. The funny thing was, 30+ other people had done the same thing and no one seemed particularly impressed that I had made it. Funnier still, the number grew and grew and grew in the coming weeks and still no one seemed impressed that I continued to show up. Even more funny, no one seemed to care one way or another about my workout performance. Perhaps the funniest thing was, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t seem to care that no one wasn’t impressed didn’t feel like less of a person because people weren’t impressed with me. And that was a good thing.
What I started to care about was that EVERYONE showed up, EVERYONE did the workout, and EVERYONE encouraged each other. I started to look forward to Wednesday mornings to see how much the Tribe could grow, to see people get out of their comfort zones, to give and receive high fives and hugs, and to meet more people in my community. Surprisingly, looking forward to these things made me begin to feel much better about myself as a person and helped me to start to grow true confidence. Being able to smile and interact with a stranger, to hug a neighbor, and to cheer on someone I never had met before made me feel indescribably better than wanting people to be impressed by me for the purpose of feeling better about myself. In short, I felt more whole and complete by feeling impressed by the efforts, experiences, and enjoyment of other people instead of longing
for validation from them.
I certainly do not think that I’ve changed 180 degrees in 10 short weeks or that I’ve now morphed into Mother Teresa. What I am certain off, however, is that I’m on my way to becoming a better, more open, and truly confident person and that I have NP and the Buffalo Tribe to thank for that. The old me would’ve wanted congratulations and applause for writing this. The new me? The new me is just happy that I could share this and thankful for the opportunity to do so.
