16 months later.

First, let’s talk about periods. Because they are important. Period. I had amenorrhea (the absence of a period) for 16 months, but I didn’t see a doctor until almost a year had passed. Why? Well the answer to that question is complicated (which I will elaborate on more in a bit), but part of the reason is because not getting your period is normalized and glorified in the fitness world. I remember one of my high school coaches telling me that she often wouldn’t get her period in the most casual way because that’s just “what happens sometimes” when you exercise a lot. Well I want to say that that’s bullshit. Yes, it happens, but there are many ways to prevent it and when it does happen (because it might), it’s something to take very seriously. These aren’t words I would have said before. I wouldn’t have said them because I was steeped in this culture and thought that my lack of a period meant I was working hard enough, I was pushing myself hard enough, I was successful. I also wouldn’t have said that because let’s be real, periods are not fun. But damn, did I celebrate when mine came back. I celebrated because of all that I learned about the importance of menstruation. If I want to live a long and healthy life and use my body in the ways I want to (fitness related and otherwise), I need strong bones and a strong heart, both of which are seriously weakened by amenorrhea. You can click here to learn more about the effects of amenorrhea from an expert because my knowledge on this topic is still quite limited, but I did want to take a moment to call this out and create space for conversation. Because it’s important. 

December 1st, 2021, the day my period came back. In reflecting on my journey, I went back to the blog post I wrote in September of 2020 about my eating disorder – one of the main causes of my amenorrhea. I just spent time taking in the words that I had written over a year prior and reflecting on all that occurred in my life since then. Honestly, my first thought was that I just wanted to give the person who wrote those words a huge hug and tell them that it will all be okay, but it’s not going to be easy. Because the reality is that I wasn’t on the other side of anything, in fact I was as deep in it as ever and it would get worse. Less than a year after I wrote that, in August of 2021, I would find myself in a residential eating disorder treatment program, away from my entire world and forced to face the fact that my body was not okay, despite what my eating disorder wanted me to think. It fucking sucked. But it was also the best experience of my life. Can the two simultaneously exist? They can, but when they do, you’ll want to quit, at least 75% of the time. But it’s worth it for the 25% of the time when you’re connecting with others going through similar experiences and discovering new depths within yourself. I promise, it’s worth it. I will never again claim to be on the other side of this because I know the road ahead is going to be bumpy as hell and the reality is that many people who seek intensive treatment, do so more than once, which honestly, scares the shit out of me. My eating disorder will be a part of me, mentally, physically, and emotionally, for the rest of my life, which is true for most people who go through this. But things can change, they can get better, and if you’re willing to face the fear and discomfort, they will. Trust me, I’m saying these words as much for myself as I am for anyone reading this. 

With all this being said, here are the main takeaways I can offer if you’re open to hearing them:

• Eating disorders affect so many people, especially within the fitness world because of how this culture talks about food and bodies. We make comments about earning food, a weekend, a nap, (the list goes on and on) because we did a workout. We talk about working off or making up for something we ate through exercise. We make assumptions about someone’s abilities based on how they look. All of this needs to stop and every single one of us has a role to play in stopping it. 
• If you or someone you know isn’t getting their period, take it seriously and see a specialist – an OBGYN or someone focused on hormonal health. Even though you may feel just fine, or are maybe even performing at higher levels than before, we need to recognize that amenorrhea is a symptom of deep and potentially long lasting problems. 
• Also, if you think you or someone you know has a disordered relationship with their body, food, or exercise, please take action because if you don’t, there’s a good chance it will get worse. There is a light at the end of this really shitty, life-encompassing tunnel, but it requires opting in and doing the work today, not tomorrow, or next week, and doing it everyday. If you’re interested, you can go to the National Eating Disorder Association’s website to learn about various support resources available and seriously, reach out to me or anyone else you know who has walked this journey. Speaking for myself (and everyone I’ve met who’s struggled with an eating disorder), we’re always here to have a conversation, share what we’ve learned and learn from you because we’re walking this road together. 

So with that, all I can say is please reach out if you want or need – emilyminge5@gmail.com

Much love, Em

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