Propensity. It’s a word that floated in my head often during junior year of college. Particularly as it related to sleeping next to my best friend. It’d be the two of us on a twin-sized bed. Him on the outside, me on the inside. Our hands would always be clasped together. Always this propensity. And I always felt safe, tucked between the wall & my best friend.
I’m careful now with superlatives like ‘best friend’. Superlatives serve a microcosm of time. Till you experience something that will cause you to feel otherwise. I’m careful too, and always have been, with my words. Particularly the ones I use in English. Despite having been born on American soil, I’ve been treated as the other. When it comes to words, I can’t give people a reason to dismiss me. So I say this now, having carefully combed through my lexicon—I am exasperated & angry. I am exasperated with the Whiteness of November Project’s leadership, angry that there is a lack of consistent, public introspection.
I recognize that I could not write this if not for my own role as coleader of Brooklyn. This role has provided me with platforms & opportunities to unearth who I am. But roles are not forever. What is forever is the colour of my skin, my non-Whiteness. So, here I am at this precarious intersection.
This Whiteness became obviously painful to me two years ago, while planning for Carols, an annual event between NYC & Brooklyn. I followed up on a suggestion to make the event title more inclusive, to acknowledge the existence of traditions other than carols, holidays other than Christmas. Rob McCombs, the White male NYC coleader who has led the longest, responded with indifference. Melissa David, the White female NYC coleader who started coleading four months after me, went in another direction. Not only did she not consider progressing this idea, she insinuated that it would strip us of the holidays. My points about inclusivity didn’t matter. What mattered was preserving their Whiteness.
I entered the November Project world through NYC. When Sierra Asplundh, a White female, asked me to colead with her in Brooklyn, I told her I still wanted to go to NYC’s Friday workouts. It was a non-negotiable. But after the Carols event, I stopped showing up as a member to NYC. This community I grew up in stopped feeling as open as I once thought it was.
“What does White people shit mean?” Kristen Liberty, former coleader of Worcester texted that to all 120+ coleaders in a thread aptly named #inclusivity. Those are not the exact words because she would later delete the text. I saw it shortly after she posted. Time passed so loudly after. I ran to my room to get “Me and White Supremacy”. I wanted to find definitions to type out in response. It was a stupid question, but when you are not White, you’re not allowed to say that. Before my fingers could thumb through the pages, they started to tremble. I wanted to beg then. I wanted to beg a White person to respond. Any White person. So I texted Kevin Rankin, another White male NYC coleader and close friend. I asked if he could respond. And after he did, I sat on my bed. I felt a deep terror that made my body shake. That was the first time I wanted to rip off the grassroots gear I was wearing. I didn’t feel safe to be here.
I’ve been told that I write well, that I’m articulate, that I should just speak up. I cringe when I hear that last phrase. Steph Anderson, a White female coleader of The Salt Lake City Project (a NP pledge group) said that in one of her last texts to me four months ago. The week leading up to our last communication, we were both chatting in the middle of the night about my Asianness. She seemed enlightened, surprised. She said I could always be honest with her about who I am. So I was. A few nights later, I pointed out that she cut me off in a three-way video chat. She proceeded to gaslight me and said I made her feel bad. She said I should’ve just spoken up. White people don’t seem to understand the repercussions of speaking up, particularly as it pertains to marginalized people. So we haven’t talked since.
I’ve been asked if I am willing to die on this hill, by Mia Fredricks. She is a White female, former coleader of New Orleans, current girlfriend of Rob, thus now a member of NYC. If there is anyone who doesn’t understand the space they take up as a White person, here is a stark example. In a survey shared by Brooklyn & NYC, one member stated clearly that their reason for no longer showing up is Mia. When Mia asked if I was wiling to die on this hill, it was regarding the aftermath of a guest-led Pride workout. I was baffled by her question. My answer was and still is a resounding yes. The handling of feedback from this Pride workout wreaked havoc. For some reason, Rob, as the designated NYC representative for that workout, could not translate concepts learned from anti-Black racism to Queer marginalization. Asking for definitions, invalidating, apologizing while expecting forgiveness, tokenizing…this is what this cisgendered White power couple did. That night, I realized us coleaders were doing a poor job at serving our marginalized. Herein was an example of a marginalized demographic that we invited to guest-lead. I was standing behind my parents’ house when I realized this. And at that moment, I buckled to the ground and didn’t want to be a coleader anymore, or a member for that matter.
Mia found out that I had repeated her words to one of our queer guest-leaders. What she said to me via text subsequently…it was the first time I felt cornered. Cornered by words. It felt like I had nowhere to turn or pivot. I didn’t feel safe. So I stayed still. I responded when she asked to talk, but I couldn’t make any moves. No, I’m used to playing by the rules of the White person. She said leadership never used to be like this, when she had the role anyway. It feels like a slap in the face, because it ignores the existence of the marginalized. It’s as stupid as saying one doesn’t see skin colour.
In the last few months, we’ve had leadership townhalls. I always need to find a POC leader to chat with during these things. I often want to throw my hands in the air or bang my head on a table. I roll my eyes. I scoff. Because of the fragility, the excuses, the defensiveness. Because of the goddamn lack of honesty and vulnerability. Sometimes, I have something to say. But it doesn’t come without a price. One time, even before I could hit the unmute button, my legs started to quiver violently. I looked wide-eyed at my body as it betrayed the calm I wanted to portray. Even though my writing is accessible to all 120+ coleaders, speaking on a video call was almost debilitating. Debilitating because of the mostly White faces. The next day, Kayode Adigun, the Black coleader of Baltimore, called me. He apologized. He apologized for not speaking up, for leaving me hanging. A Black man, whose skin colour incites more pain and atrocity than my yellow skin, was apologizing to me. This is not how it should be.
Whenever I’m scared or angry or exasperated now, I run. To Kayode. Sometimes to Kwame Boateng, the Black coleader of Kelowna. I could listen to that man speak for days, as he is also selective and sharp with his words. I once asked him how to stay calm in light of continued marginalization. I run to Winnie Lok, the Asian coleader of Atlanta and my first ever NP friend. Sometimes I run to Paul Wang, Aki Shimizuishi, & Lewis Hugh (fondly referred to as PAL). These three are members, Asian members of Brooklyn. I didn’t realize how much I needed some Asians in my NP space till now. I often berate myself for running to these people. It makes me feel like a coward. But the reality is I don’t have the same safety as White coleaders. If you are a White person that I’ve called out in this piece of writing, maybe you are outraged or hurt. You will get defensive and say I took things out of context. You will highlight your real intention. You will go off about how what you communicated to me was not meant to be publicized. So I ask you, what is more important—respecting the boundaries of communication or my safety? Or the safety of someone else with a marginalized identity?
People know me as the coleader of Brooklyn. I am born and raised Brooklyn. I blurted that out to Sierra when she was looking for someone to lead alongside her. I have a fierce Brooklyn pride now, one that has burgeoned as I’ve navigated the last two years and change as a coleader. I grew up in New York City though. I went to high school in Tribeca. I had track practice in Washington Heights. I’d trek to Forest Hills, Rego Park, and sometimes Bayside to hang out with friends. I swam at pools in Crowne Heights, Chelsea, Fordham. New York City is where I found November Project. I’d leave my house as early as 4:40AM to get to their 6:28AM workouts. Sometimes, I’d hop off the subway and take a cab to get there on time. Because there were many a morning, I just needed to get there for the bounce. To huddle with these people I call friends, to bounce up and down, chant something silly, make eye contact and then hug. It was worth it. It was home. Truthfully, coleading in Brooklyn, has often felt lonely. Particularly during the transition between Sierra & Jessica Francis, my current coleader. It felt like I didn’t have friends, people I’d hang out with, while Jessica had many that would coalesce around her. All my friends were at NYC, I used to think. My heart was tethered to NYC, as a physical location for where I’ve spent my life and as a November Project haven.
A few weeks ago, on a Thursday night, NP NYC had virtual office hours. Jessica & I were invited on Facebook, but we also asked them just in case. From start to finish, I was the only non-White person in a meeting of roughly 25. There was an agenda, with not a single mention of racism, marginalization, diversity. I texted Jeremy Zitomer, a queer White member, in rage. He offered to help me if nothing was said by 7:45PM, a full three-fourths into the meeting. How pathetic, that as a coleader, I still need Whiteness to prop me up. Because as I unmuted myself, again, my body reacted. My heart reverberated loudly against the constricted walls of my chest. I needed each of the three White coleaders—Rob, Kevin & Melissa, to respond. “What are you doing for your members that come with a marginalized identity?” Rob didn’t hear me well and wanted me to repeat or clarify. It made me livid because I had so much trouble spitting it out the first time. They each said something in response. I didn’t care at all to listen to it. I left angry.
NYC’s virtual office hours were placed interestingly in the middle of my week. Just two nights before, I met Rob at a park midway between our apartments. I initiated this meetup and had Sierra mediate. I chose Sierra because she knows us both as coleaders and friends. I needed a mediator because as a female I often apologize for things I don’t need to apologize for. I also needed a mediator because as an Asian, I am often non-confrontational, quiet & submissive, especially to the dominant White man. I gave Sierra instructions to kick me if I raised my voice or got too loud. We talked slightly longer than the allotted time. It felt like I was going in circles. Listening to Rob’s fragility, defensiveness, resistance to change…I didn’t want to spend the night there. So I stopped and asked if he wanted a hug. That was Tuesday. Thursday’s office hours left me angry, feeling that we had gone backwards. It felt like I, as the only non-White person from start to finish, was forced to ask about marginalization. I was supposed to meet Melissa the next afternoon and toyed around with whether I should because I was so angry. We did meet. We sat across each other at a little round table, across the street from where I used to have high school track practice. I told her I couldn’t look her in the eyes, not because I’m afraid of her anymore, but because I didn’t want to cry. I just want to get over the pain that Carols brought me. When I was done, she cried. She apologized for the hurt that her words have inflicted. It felt cathartic. Not to see her cry, but to see her as a human. That was Friday.
Sometimes it feels like I’m running into fire, by initiating conversations with these people that have etched this race-based trauma into my skin, into my supposedly equitable existence as a coleader. I have little patience for basic White people nowadays. When Michael Ibanez, the White male Chicago coleader posts photos of the sunsets & beaches of Cape Cod, I roll my eyes. I’ve started to unfollow people. I don’t need this on my feed. I hate that White people can do what they want in such a carefree way. I’m not afforded that. I can’t ever just be Maggie. I’m Maggie the model minority. I’m Maggie, the second Asian female coleader outside of Asia, after Elise Borja, former coleader of Milwaukee. I’m Maggie the articulate writer. In addition to my current exasperation and anger, I am feeling overly exposed. I’m raw from sharing what it’s like to be a coleader with a marginalized identity. What are my White peers doing with this information that I share? I feel like a zoo animal—dissected and studied, with no clarity in sight.
I’ve spoken with our cofounders. I went to Bojan first. Even though he’s White, he’s a different White. He’s not from here. He came from Serbia as a college student. It wasn’t hard talking to him. Brogan, I called four days in a row before I got a response. What’s annoying about communicating with Brogan is it’s always on his schedule or attention. He’ll miss my calls, but then I see on Instagram a screenshot of a Facetime chat with a White coleader. When he finally did pick up, we spoke for nearly an hour. He said that the White leaders he talks to have no trouble admitting their privilege. I laughed. I laughed because I had to do the work of pointing out his role. Brogan is the cofounder, the cool charismatic White dude that people gravitate to. Of course, our White coleaders admit privilege to him. It’s the right thing to say. But I’ve heard it before. I’ve heard about efforts to be more diverse and inclusive. I’ve heard proclamations of allyship. But it’s performative. It’s lip talk. Because the moment social media is off, or the moment I speak in a way that is true to me but too harsh for Whiteness, I will be left to fend for myself again.
I’ve become less trusting of White people. Did Brogan talk to me for an hour to suck up to me? Because I don’t want it. I don’t want this attention. I want to feel safe. I want White people to recognize their intersectionality. To not just acknowledge their privilege but to blatantly state that it is White privilege. I asked Rob to consider stepping down. Not because it will solve everything. But because his and Mia’s ignorance of their intersectionality & selfish need to preserve their legacy as coleaders leaves a community having to deal with not just their tyrannical Whiteness, but also their relationship problems. If you choose, with your own willpower, to maintain a position of leadership, if people follow you and listen to your instruction, you have an inescapable obligation to check in with your members. You need to be publicly forthcoming about where you are.
Marginalization, racism, discrimination—these things take no breaks for White silence & paralysis. I’ve heard enough times that Rob is tired. I’ve heard him tell a member to shut up. I’ve heard him say that members are the biggest obstacle to leadership. So I ask—do you know what your purpose is with the role that you chose? And if these White folx are not able to publicly reckon with answering, their communities will bleed out from the poison that is willful ignorance & folly.
I’ve gotten good at crying quietly & often. I spent a few days at Bradley Beach with my parents and sister. When I couldn’t sleep at night, I’d go into the bathroom as to not wake anyone. I’d think about how to write this. In recent writings & the Wisconsin Notes podcast I got to be on, I try to list out names of other marginalized people. To give attention to the unheard, the unseen. To Perry Wang, who should’ve been a coleader. To Stacey Cha, who should’ve been listened to. To Jairo Martinez. To Dora Hsiao. I thought I would do the same here. But I realized it wouldn’t be truthful. I realized I would have to write the names of the White people. This realization made me sink to the ground. Because I know it’ll hurt. Not me. I can’t undo the pain that’s already inflicted on me. No, it’ll hurt the White people I’m calling out. The thing I hate about calling out is that it leaves those not named to forgo reflecting on themselves. I am reminded from my Red Cross CPR certification class, that if you call out into the open for help, there will be diffusion of responsibility. You have to point to the person wearing a red shirt to call 911. So I realized I would have to call White people out for things they have said and done. And it hurt to think about getting here.
Recently I asked my friend Alison Desir, a Black activist, what keeps her going when she is fed up with White folx and their unwillingness to be raw & truthful. She sent me a meme that reads, “the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and it’s still not as sensitive as white people asked to confront their participation in systemic racism.” It made me laugh and brought levity to my anger. She thinks too of her baby boy, Kouri, and future little humans who deserve better. Two years ago, I had told Alison about the White-inflicted pain that came from the Carols event. She commended me for being a coleader in such a White space. I remember thinking that I was fucked. If Alison, an activist, could say that, what business did I, a quiet Asian girl, have being here?
Last Thursday, the coleaders of Brooklyn & NYC were gathered on Zoom. Brogan & Bojan had the foresight to not moderate this conversation. They asked Soumya Palreddy, one of November Project’s diversity consultants, & member of the Madison community. Soumya, like me, has non-White skin. That morning, I sat in my parents’ car, having just gotten back from Bradley Beach to Brooklyn, and talked to her for more than an hour. Talking to her was a release. She is neither a coleader nor headquarters. She understands what it’s like to be marginalized as an Asian woman. I’ve stopped conferring with others for permission to say things, to write things, because there is no one currently in leadership that has my intersectionality. It feels like I’m running into walls. She said it was okay. Okay for me to not want to listen anymore to these White people I thought were my friends. She knows what it’s like to not be able to scrub the marginalization from our skin…so I knew I could believe her. I took comfort in her saying that it is okay.
Thursday night, Soumya gathered us five—Rob, Kevin, Melissa, Jessica & me. I wore a T-shirt that read, “It’s an honor just to be Asian”. It’s a quote from Korean-American actress Sandra Oh, from the night she hosted the Golden Globes. I also wore my hoops, because they help me give less fucks. This is the stuff I have to do to not waver. When what I really want to do is crumble, the things I wear are a reminder to myself and to the people I’m speaking with of who I am. I talked about acknowledging privilege. Rob said he’s the first to acknowledge his privilege. But he hesitated and paused still as the words, “I am White” finally left his lips. White people wanting to lend space to others is a goddamn trap. One of Soumya’s last questions was what we wanted out of this relationship between Brooklyn & NYC. I spoke last, and said “I don’t give a shit about this relationship.”
I woke up the next morning wondering if that meeting was a bad dream, wondering if I really spoke like that. I’ve told Kevin before, I worry he will one day find me an outspoken minority that can be replaced. But I’ve had to reframe. Oppressive Whiteness has always hurt me. It’s always made me feel bad. Sometimes enough to cry, sometimes enough to shake. But only now have I learned the words in English. I’ve learned about tokenism. Invalidating. Gaslighting. Model minority. Emotional labour. White silence. Really, it’s a travesty I didn’t know how to label these feelings before, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t real. Soumya had said at the end of the meeting that the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. I am angry because I have been forced into apathy, forced to be exposed and raw. For what?
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” Kayode shared this Zora Neale Hurston quote with me this week. He knows that something is bubbling inside me. Last week, he called and told me to listen to him. So I did. I listened to him as I kneeled on the wooden floor of my bedroom, head & elbows rested on my bed as if I was praying. I cried silently so he couldn’t hear me.
Yesterday morning, Brooklyn had an in-person trial workout, the first since the pandemic hit. Jessica put an enormous amount of caution & thought into designing the workout. We had a surplus of volunteers. Jessica & I now like to weave a gathering purpose into each workout. Yesterday morning, our gathering purpose was—“Spread out & still love, it’s the Brooklyn way”. It’s a play on a classic Brooklyn quote and ties in the reality of the ongoing pandemic. Members showed up in an incredibly responsible way. People didn’t hug or cluster or linger. We worked out. We had an extremely monotone bounce. We threw up jazz hands. Jessica & I get to be coleaders, but these titles are meaningless without people who choose to show up, however they do. Lately I think about this concept when planning for our Brooklyn community—“build a team so strong you don’t know who the boss is.” Brooklyn’s not perfect, not exempt. There is always something to work on. But I say this without hesitation, we have a self-sustaining crew of good souls.
Last night I got dinner with Kevin Rankin. We met at a Nigerian restaurant in Brooklyn to get jollof, an African rice dish. Two months ago, we had tried the Ghanaian jollof at a restaurant where we were the only non-Black people. Last night we were prepared. Kayode, who is from Nigeria, had looked at the menu beforehand and texted me what to order. Kevin and I sat on a bench and carefully went through the jollof rice, the pounded yam, the ogbono sauce, the suya steak, the yam fries. We’re on equal footing when it comes to this because neither of us had really had African food.
And now I need to say one more thing about my intersectionality. Because if I want to shake truth from my White peers, then I need to reveal this too. And it is that, I have feelings for Kevin. I think I’ve liked him for a while now, but it bubbled up again a few months ago. I often run to him. When someone at home was hospitalized, when I started to quarrel with my parents about anti-Black racism, when I learn a new song on the ukulele, when I get to pet an alpaca. He’s always there. What I find curious about Kevin is that as a White man, a demographic that is the most socially-threatening, he chooses to not flex it. He is quiet and observant. Sometimes I preemptively stop talking to him when I’ve revealed something about my non-Whiteness. I anticipate he, like many White people in my life, will leave. So I stop that hurt before it can happen. He hasn’t left though. He responds when I muster the courage to message him again. And he continues quietly learning & observing. I feel safe with him.
But I wonder what goes on in his head. He says he likes to observe. I had to do that. Had to. I had to watch from the sidelines growing up. I had to observe. I had to be a spectator. My immigrant parents could afford only to feed us, to put a shelter around us. I didn’t get to participate much. Choosing to observe is Kevin’s White privilege.
In my phone call with Soumya the diversity consultant, I told her this too, about my feelings for him. I knew I was unloading a lot on her and unable to compartmentalize. It’s all intertwined. She said that’s what happens when you’re marginalized, when you’re constantly gaslit and invalidated and dismissed. She said that you stop knowing up from down. I found solace in hearing that from her. But I feel like a fool. A fool for succumbing to society. A fool for falling for a boy with blue eyes, a boy who hasn’t thought of me as anything other than a friend.
Hanging out with him, this White male coleader of NYC, this close friend of mine, felt easy. As we parted last night, I no longer needed to ask for a hug. He walked down the stairs to the subway, and I got on my bike. I didn’t look back to glimpse at this boy I like. I felt lighter.
I put off writing this till I got home. But even then, what I did mostly was cry while texting Sierra. She asked what was preventing me from writing. She asked what feels true, dire or necessary to share right now. So I responded—“that I’m a fool for believing I can be treated equitably in this White world. That I’ve been forced into anger and apathy, into an unrecognizable version of myself. That I’ve gotten so good at crying quietly and often.” But I know I have to do this. I won’t let someone else speak my truth.
This morning, I left Brooklyn, for a one-way flight out of Newark. I need to extricate myself from this. From these relationships that terrorize and jeopardize my safety. I am logging off & deleting the social media apps from my phone. Not because I’m afraid. If you have been called out here and need to talk to me, then you can wait. Just as I, with my yellow skin, am still waiting. I don’t want to be exasperated or angry anymore. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want emoji reactions or likes or comments on my writing. I want to know you are human. I want you to tell the truth, your naked & vulnerable truth.
I want somewhere safe to rest my head. I want to be light & free. To sleep soundly through the night. Don’t you have a propensity for that too?
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One of the last things Maggie wrote was “I don’t want emoji reactions”… and you post nothing but F***ING emoji reactions. Brain dead much?!?
Thank you for expressing your thoughts, this must have been very difficult to share. If you ever need someone to talk to who may be able to share some of your perspective, please reach out. I will never be able to understand all of your experiences and struggles, but I too have had to deal with my non-whiteness in a white-dominated subculture. That being said, I have to comment on a particular part of this post.
I am an Asian-born co-leader of the Salt Lake City Project (an NP pledge group) alongside Steph Anderson who you mentioned in one of your paragraphs. I’m new to the role and can’t speak to the inner workings and dynamics of NP leadership as a whole. However, in the time that I’ve co-led with Steph, I have developed an incredibly positive impression of her and her leadership style. Above all, she wants to create a culture for the SLC Project that is as open and inclusive as possible for everyone.
I have talked to Steph about marginalized groups, inclusivity, my Asian-ness, and more. More than anything, we want the SLC Project to be a community that everyone feels safe in and proud to be a part of. Steph is one of the most open, empathetic, and understanding people I’ve ever met. This is what makes her a great leader. She WANTS to understand, to learn, to be better. You said “White people don’t seem to understand the repercussions of speaking up, particularly as it pertains to marginalized people. So we haven’t talked since.” This is your loss. This was an opportunity to teach, to guide, and to help create a stronger culture of awareness and inclusivity going forward. Instead you chose to cut someone out of your life who I am certain would be one of your most staunch advocates if you had instead started a dialogue.
Look, I know it’s frustrating. People in more privileged groups don’t always “get it,” and it’s exhausting feeling like you’re always the one who must step up to educate and inform others on their hurtful and destructive behaviors and attitudes. I admire that you are willing to share your thoughts and feelings with others. It’s not easy, and not everyone will respond in the way that you hoped.
That being said, attitudinal changes take time. Fair or not, people are rarely going to be able to change overnight. There are people out there who will never change, never see your perspective. Cut them out. But there are people out there who WANT to learn, who WANT to understand your struggles and feelings to the best of their ability, and who WANT to be better. I truly believe that Steph is one of these people.
Tom, thank you fellow Asian for invalidating my feelings & rushing to the aid of another White person. Apparently I need to repeat that racism & discrimination doesn’t take breaks.
“Attitudinal change takes time.” Tell that to the Chinese grandmas that are being lit on fire in my parents’ neighbourhood of Bensonhurst because rhetoric like “Kung flu virus” & “Chinese virus” is touted.
A man using his man privilege to mansplain. Well, good luck out at SLC. Also maybe you want to check with Steph to see who communicated with who last. I do not need to continually put myself through the trauma of White ignorance.
@Maggie and @N my intentions were not to invalidate your feelings and talk down to you, though upon a reread of my post I can see how that is the case. I am sorry. I don’t know the full story here, and I rushed to judgment and the defense of someone I care about. I believe very strongly in what I wrote about Steph, but also acknowledge that she can be both Steph the white woman who talked over and gaslit you, and Steph the caring and compassionate leader that I have come to know.
My main takeaway: this is a tremendous post. It’s raw, it’s courageous, and it’s going to make people uncomfortable. It will force many people to reckon with their thoughts and implicit biases, myself included. If you were to ask me “What are you doing for your members that come with a marginalized identity?” I wouldn’t know how to respond. There is a lot to think about and process here.
I do not wish to continue this conversation in the comments section but would be open to talking more off-air if you’re willing. Again, I am sorry for some my earlier comments. Thank you for sharing this.
I think it’s okay to respect that she doesn’t have to have the energy to teach Steph in this moment, though.
A lot of people don’t see what happens in leadership and they just see the highlight reels of NP. A movement so focused on inclusivity, yet HQ and leadership is and always has been a popularity contest where being cool and noticed on IG meant more than what you did for your city to make it better.
Thank you for opening up and sharing this, I know it wasn’t easy.
While much of the world is wrestling with these questions of inclusivity, identity, race, and progress, I’ve always sensed that NP has remained incredibly stagnant. Maggie’s words here are a stark reminder of what I believed to be true.
You’re more courageous than I could hope to be, Maggie. Thank you.
The NYC leadership also decided that it was appropriate for Mia and another White woman to lead a Kwanzaa themed workout last December. I’m also White. I’m not a popular member of NP and I was intimidated by Mia and the other member’s “status” – I didn’t feel like anything I said would be listened to and I would just be more ostracized if I did speak up. I am so, so sorry. Thank you for being brave and speaking up Maggie. You do so much for Brooklyn and I hope you are finding some peace.
As a former co-leader, I will attest Mia has never been warm to me no matter how much I tried to get to know her. Sorry you had this experience.
Hi Anon,
I appreciate you sharing this experience. Erica and I received this feedback about the Hanukkah/Kwanzaa workout. At the time, we did not recognize the inappropriateness of bringing Kwanzaa themes into the Hanukkah workout. Our privilege prevented us from recognizing this and we have since learned more about what spaces we should and should not attempt to teach. We were honored to have the opportunity to lead that workout, but we went about it in the wrong way. While I cannot erase that mistake, I do want you to know that the feedback has been received and has affected my outlook on how I should not take up those spaces in the future.
I am sorry I have left you feeling intimidated. I am available to talk more candidly if you do want to address this personally as I would like to better understand how I can improve to avoid causing others to feel this way in the future. However, I recognize the burden that may cause to ask you to rehash those feelings. I just wanted you to know the door is open.
Thanks,
Mia
Mia, I’m curious as to why when Maggie’s post specifically discusses you and Rob “asking for definitions, invalidating, apologizing while expecting forgiveness, tokenizing…” in the context of queer members, your Facebook post only addresses your white privilege. Seems to prove the point.
Hi Aya,
Thank you for your curiosity. I chose to focus on my white privilege in my Facebook post in order to address what I felt was the overall message in Maggie’s post: NP is controlled by White power, people like me. I used that power to control situations and minimize BIPOC. However, that does not excuse me from the way I previously used that same power to hurt members of the queer community. Since Maggie and I are both straight, I did not want to dilute my message to her in bringing in my other wrongdoings. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention though as I understand not everyone has the full story of what has gone on between me, Maggie, and the queer members of the community. I am happy to go into further detail if you would like to discuss how I took steps to better understand the pain I caused in that time.
Thanks,
Mia
Tom, my guy. You didn’t not just read all of that and then say Maggie was wrong. People can “say” they’re all for openness and it’s all a show and Maggie opening up here, with receipts, just proved that. She felt all of this and it doesn’t make it any less valid no matter what you say even when trying to defend Stephanie.
Maggie thank you for dropping this truth bomb here. Even after NP saying they want to do better, clearly even more work needs to be done. This post should be read by everyone in the community who is marginalized so that they don’t feel as if there isn’t someone who has tried fighting for them.
Thank you for this Maggie, I am a Queer POC that stopped attending my local NP because of the ignorance of the leadership and the constant gaslighting. Thank you for speaking out. I fear that this blog post might get taken down by the white powers that be, but I am happy I got to read it.
Wow! Beautifully said. I am so sorry.
I appreciate this article. I found a lot of it resonates with the reasons I left NP Seattle years ago.
Thank you, Maggie for this post and for all the times you HAVE spoken up. This has been ignored for so long and has been brought up so many times but has fallen upon unwilling-to-inconvenience-themselves white ears.
HEY NP & “members” – ITS TIME TO EXAMINE YOUR ROLE IN PROTECTING WHITE FRAGILITY > MARGINALIZED GROUPS
YOUR silence IS VIOLENCE!
This is so clear and concise. Great comment, Amber.
Maggie, I met you at Snowglobe and really enjoyed your positivity, leadership, and friendship, however brief an experience it was for me. Thank you for being the voice to stand up and speak out so loudly and proudly where no one else will. I am in awe of you and I support you.
Keep speaking. We are listening.
Maggie,
Sorry to hear everything you’ve gone through and are going through. It takes a crazy strong person to open up and be raw the way you did to all the people you’ve confronted and also here, so kudos to you. Your feelings are yours and no one can say you shouldn’t or didn’t feel that way. I’m a woman. I’m white. I’m Jewish. I’ve got a whole lot of privilege in me and will never not be able to acknowledge that, but at the same time being a woman I often find myself pointing things out to my friends that they didn’t realize was offensive. Their response is typically an eye roll or a ‘oh sorry, I didn’t realize’ while you know they aren’t internalizing and likely won’t make a change. And as an outwardly obvious Jewish person theres a lot I have to make people aware of as well. A lot of antisemitism I face both in the work place in NYC (which people swear isn’t a thing as theres such an abundant amount of jews in NYC how could NYC be anti-Semitic – as the frequent response), as well as in my personal life. Some people are oblivious to the marginalization and others turn a blind eye in order not to feel any pain or hurt. I don’t quite know the solution but regardless what you are feeling is what you are feeling. Continue to be you. Continue to speak up for what you believe in, that really is all we can do!
Thank you. Your words are heard and felt by other POC and your bravery and honesty is seen. This resonated with me on many levels for reasons why I stopped attending DC workouts years ago; the leadership was ignorant and gaslighting was second nature to them.
Maggie, thank you for being so courageous and sharing your story!!! 🙌🏽
Thank you for sharing and expressing your feelings. You give so much for this community. It’s not an easy to write and publish. I’m glad you did it. You are inspiring others to be honest about their feelings. Love you!!
As a white cisgender female I find myself struggling with NP’s white culture. We think we are progressive, but our actions prove otherwise. To continue going reinforces that it is okay for an organization to continue to speak out of both sides of their mouth. I am so very tired of supporting this culture and pretending we are progressive.
Y’all bogus
To those who have already or are thinking of defending anyone on this blog. Stop!
People are complex and they are not just binarily good or bad. We are the sum of our actions and every one of us has behaved in very bad ways that would surprise some of our friends. So we need to accept when people speak out.
It is important to sit with this post and listen, truly listen to what is being said. It’s okay to be uncomfortable and it’s okay to hear things that trouble you about something or someone that may want to protect.
That is all I came here to say. I have other thoughts, but this is not my space or place. I am simply going to read this again and digest.
This is the kind of post that should be a final wakeup call for the remaining community.
Straight up — We Have Failed.
We.
Have.
Failed.
Individually, communally, we have left behind those who needed us through out blindness of our comforts and privileges. And I do mean “we”, I — as a white cisgender man — have failed. We ALL have failed them.
By absence of action, we have failed.
By rote selfishness, we have failed.
By performative baloney, we have failed.
By our selection of workout site, we have failed.
By our selection of social events, we have failed.
By our need of being social centers, we have failed.
By our need for power, we have failed.
This isn’t something that can be simply addressed. This isn’t a quick fix. There is a deep rot that must be purged. If I am part of that, then absolutely, I should. But that applies to much.
Tribes should lose oar handles over this. Senior leadership’s continued role must be addressed, or, if needed dismissed. We risk invalidating what we say we’re about by continuing on the current path.
Failure should not be an option.
It sounds like I might not be able to FB message you, but appreciate the post and just thought you should know. As a white woman in the world, and in response to you and so many others, I promise to do my best to speak up so that y’all don’t have to. Hugs.
Slay queen, slay. I see you.
I am one of a mere handful of BIPOC in my 250+ person NP group. This was so fucking powerful. You articulated how I feel all the time — and not only at NP, but in every day life. If you wanna hit me up to chat sometime I’ve gotchu.
Hey Maggie, Christiana here from NP LAX. I want to deeply apologize you’ve had to go through this pain. I also thank you for sharing so wonderfully and boldly. I appreciate your words, but I want to be an ally/advocate who listens, learns and respects. I posted on our fb bb that I ask forgiveness if I’ve offended or hurt anyone on the best oh I mean west coast. But yes thanks for sharing. Us whites (and straights) have a lot of learning to do. We need to put our egos aside. I don’t want any of my friends of color or LGBTQ+ friends (heck anyone who is diff than me!) ever feeling hurt or going through this. Enough is enough!
A woman of color expressing deeply raw emotions of not feeling safe. And what do commenters from NP do? Gaslight and center their own self acknowledgement of privilege in HER space.
Please internalize the words a bit more.
And stop appropriating tribes while you’re at it. SMH
Yes!
Maggie,
Thank you for your words. Thank you for being strong enough to open yourself up this way. As a white woman (and also religious minority) I will try my best to hold space and fiercely fight for the safety you (and others) deserve in the NP (and broader) world.
I hope you are able feel some more ease having written this,
J
This was an absolutely beautiful post.
I am not involved with this organization, but what struck me so deeply is that you espoused many of the same feelings that I felt while getting my Ph.D. (and described actions that I also did in trying to address diversity/equity/representation issues). And not much has changed since I transitioned into “professional” government culture.
The pain seems so familiar which makes reading what you wrote feel cathartic, but it also hurts because it feels like there’s no escape from this.
Thank you for being so honest in this post.
I want everyone who read this article to imagine how much strain and effort it would take to move a brick wall. Now imagine putting in all that effort and only being able to move the wall an inch, if at all.
If this article moves you very little, or none at all….imagine how helpless and frustrating it must feel for an individual to put everything they have into being heard, and for another individual to be unmoved.
If someone has to try this hard/shout this loud for us to see, acknowledge, love and accept them, at what point do we check in with ourselves to truly understand the price others pay for our security? I’m saying “we/our” because in some way we can all ask this of ourselves and work on this…but the truth is Whiteness needs the most work on this. Whiteness needs to feel these words. Whiteness needs to be moved by these words. Whiteness needs to surrender to these words. Otherwise, it will continue to be a problem so long as it stands intact.
Thank you so much for this. You validated my feelings and I thought i was alone. I loved NP-NYC so much when I joined a long time ago bc I found community but then realized I was never a part of it…just standing near it. If you weren’t in the inner white circle…you were a body count to show off in the group photo. I left without being strong and using my voice like you. THANK YOU!
” If you weren’t in the inner white circle…you were a body count to show off in the group photo.” This hit home with me, a nomad who really has no home tribe. What I found interesting from my experience is this was true of every US NP group I worked out with, but the European tribes made me feel perfectly accepted.
“If you weren’t in the inner white circle…you were a body count to show off in the group photo.”
This line really struck a chord with me as well. I am Asian American and was an active member of NP LAX for 3 years doing workouts three times a week with them. I loved being part of the organization and I made so many friends. However, I do have to say reading this article brought to the surface these feelings I forgot I had about my experience. I did feel like there was an inner circle and almost an elite-ism, if you were fast then you were automatically respected or popularized in the group. When I think back, the people I considered the inner circle to me was glaringly white. I found that the friends that I gravitated toward and felt welcomed by in the group were mostly POC, LGBTQ or those who maybe were not the fastest of the pack. I felt like I was on the edges of the inner circle, but not necessarily welcomed all the way in. I didn’t really feel like I really was recognized as part of the group until I received the positivity award 8 months after my first work out.
Maggie, your post was beautiful and raw and it made me feel seen/heard even though I haven’t participated in NP workouts in a couple years. I think along with recognizing those of us who are marginalized in the group because we are POC, there is also an inclusivity factor to be considered for those of us who are not your typical model runners. I never felt like I had a platform to really express these feelings because they’d fall on deaf ears, so thank you, Maggie, for having the courage to step up and take on the emotional burden of sharing your experience and allowing others (me included) to feel comfortable sharing our experiences as well.
I read this post over and over. I muttered ‘ouch’ multiple times. What an important view! The ‘carols’ incident really hit home for me. It’s infuriating that something that brought you such obvious joy now brings you such raw pain and anger, that you were so quickly dismissed. Clearly the leaders need to do a far better job beyond posting a video of a white guy saying his intentions are pure but “I am a racist”. You know, because just like an addict, the first step is realizing you have a problem (eye roll). Well, we ALL need to do a better job, leader or not.
It’s not for me to judge anyone called out here. Sometimes a slice of humble pie is what we all need. We all have those cringe moments from our past. But what do we do with those moments? Do we just promise ourselves not to do it again, or do we dig deeper and really examine ourselves. Most of us truly don’t self analyze because the truth is if we really look into the mirror deeply enough we will realize we don’t like what we see, the myth we created will be shattered.
Thank you for posting.
I think one of the hardest things for me was realizing that no matter how much I wanted to be a part of this community, my body was not welcome there. They wanted and welcomed thin, mostly white bodies. Not me.
As a fellow Asian woman I couldn’t relate more. I hope I get the chance to meet you one day. Thank you.
I’m a white woman who attended a few NP workouts a while back, and though I have no idea what it’s like to walk in the world as a woman of color, I can say I really related to this feeling of exclusion specifically within NP. From a group that prides themselves on and advertises a welcoming, family environment, only three people (one former coleader and two members) were interested in actually welcoming me in. Others stuck to their cliques and when I tried to make conversation, were incredibly dismissive. I spent the few workouts I was there working out alone. It felt very much like high school and so I won’t be back. I hope this can spark positive changes as no one should ever feel that they don’t belong.
I’m sorry you are hurting and Thank you for shedding light on this.
BRAVE. I hear you. I see you. I believe you.
THIS IS IT.
Man.
That’s really all I can say right now, sis. You really nailed it here.
From a Black now-Nomad (former BOS member) who really felt your words in all the places.
White privileged Male here. Thank you Maggie for this engaging and inspiring post. I’ve been in and out of NP and have very much appreciated it for existing and for at least expressing the desire to be inclusive…etc. Maggie, I am so blind to what your experiencing because I’ve selfishly been trying to find balance in my life. Not an excuse but please I want to help and will need help doing so. I feel sick knowing you and others are experiencing this all while we are spending time together. I don’t know the answers and even if I did, it wouldn’t be right. Please don’t give up, you are supported! ☮️&💟
Thank you for writing this. I have lost faith in my NP chapter this summer after seeing community members engage in these performances that I can only describe as white tears… white adults in their 20s and 30s somehow just realizing that BIPOC don’t feel welcome in these spaces, the running community, and beyond. I attended one of their town halls where there was a question of how to increase diversity at workouts and the ideas were so superficial and I just… I just couldn’t. I am (or was, I guess) one of two non-white people regularly attending. I’m both used to and tired of being alone among white people. I am so deeply sorry for what you endured. You deserved to be heard, believed, and supported well before this post.
This post is absolutely brilliant. I was a member of NP BOS years ago, and it didn’t take long for me to realize I was not welcomes. It was a complete popularity contest masquerading as this ultra positive uplifting thing. You can keep your phony high fives. Gross.
First, I admit that I have no horse in this race, as I have no relationship whatsoever with NP. And if it matters–and I don’t think it should–I am Asian.
I have seen articles like this (“I am invalidated because I’m a minority”) and comments like these (“We apologize for our privilege”) many times in various forums/groups. All I can say is this: people like Maggie will always exist, who don’t see their own privileges or their own shortcomings, or fail to celebrate their uniqueness, and choose only to dwell on hurtful experiences. I highly doubt that Maggie’s sole identity is Victim. Sometime, somewhere, she has also caused hurt to others and behaved unjustly (because every human being has).
No amount of apologizing or self-reflection will satisfy the Maggies of our society, since the nature of human interactions means that there is always going to be another hurtful experience somewhere down the line. The kinds of grievances I read about in the States (e.g. a group won’t celebrate the holiday that I like) would be laughable in other countries I’ve lived in where minorities’ lives and livelihoods are threatened, not just feelings. Would it be great if no one’s feelings were ever hurt? Sure. But let’s recognize that that’s a pipe dream, an unreachable goal. And so while we Americans navel gaze at relatively insignificant problems, there are many graver injustices all around us. Groups like NP and its members should consider which issues to give energy to: those that will bring relief and tangible help to many who are suffering horrific injustices, or those that will allow them to virtue signal and make themselves feel better.
Obviously, NP and its members can do what they want and address whatever issues they want. But I predict that self-flagellation on this issue of accommodating hurt feelings will never be enough and will only lead to more disunity.
This was extremely well-said, thanks for posting. NP, like a lot of organizations, can do more, and I’m sorry she feels victimized, but I’m not sure why she fears for her safety. I do think she needs to own some of her emotional baggage; some of what she seems to interpret as marginalization seems like a stretch and is just normal apathy to me. It sounds like she’s playing victim, whatever the motive. To frame every slight as casual white privileged ignorance or racism is lazy and untrue. People care and want to be better. Most people are genuine and try. And it sounds like she’s turned her back on some of that effort her peers are making without offering any solutions.
DLR, tell me what my ulterior motive is in having to show every inch of my non-White skin, and to display who I have feelings for. 同你講都嘥氣.
I am incredibly perplexed as to how you’ve arrived at the conclusion that Maggie doesn’t “see their own privileges or their own shortcomings, or fail to celebrate their uniqueness, and choose only to dwell on hurtful experiences”. You yourself have claimed that you are not in any way affiliated to anyone in NP. Do you know Maggie? Have you spoken to her in person or sat down to listen to her experience beyond just reading this blog post? If not, how can you arrive at this conclusion with an informed perspective? This post was never intended to give you a complete picture of who she is, but you are judging her and the way she’s feeling SOLELY based on this content. Rather shallow of you don’t you think? As a quick peek into what she’s like as a person, you might want to scroll up and read the other comments from members of this community.
You write the following: “The kinds of grievances I read about in the States (e.g. a group won’t celebrate the holiday that I like) would be laughable in other countries I’ve lived in where minorities’ lives and livelihoods are threatened, not just feelings.”
Stop trying to minimize her voice. Just because you’ve seen other communities enduring more suffering does not negate what is going on here. Let me add more clarity to this with a simple example:
A woman goes out on a run and gets catcalled by men. She feels violated and speaks out on what happened. Your response is similar to someone saying “Oh! But there are tons of women out there being raped. Think about all those women, how you feel means nothing compared to that”. This is not acceptable.
Another thing I am really confused about – If there are “many graver injustices all around us” as you mention, why are you here trolling on a November Project blog (and from the sounds of what you said many other groups as well), minimizing Maggie’s voice instead of being out on the front lines fighting as hard as you can for these marginalized communities. Surely, by your logic, your time would be much better served there.
“Groups like NP and its members should consider which issues to give energy to: those that will bring relief and tangible help to many who are suffering horrific injustices, or those that will allow them to virtue signal and make themselves feel better.”
This is the issue that we as members of the November Project community (the community you have admitted to not having any affiliations to but yet go to great lengths to talk about what we should do) have chosen to tackle. Maybe you should start an organization yourself that champions these causes and reach out to November Project for a collaboration project. I’m sure leadership would be more than happy to partner with you, once this group has worked on the issues at hand.
RP wrote: I am incredibly perplexed as to how you’ve arrived at the conclusion that Maggie doesn’t “see their own privileges or their own shortcomings, or fail to celebrate their uniqueness, and choose only to dwell on hurtful experiences”. You yourself have claimed that you are not in any way affiliated to anyone in NP. Do you know Maggie? Have you spoken to her in person or sat down to listen to her experience beyond just reading this blog post? If not, how can you arrive at this conclusion with an informed perspective? This post was never intended to give you a complete picture of who she is, but you are judging her and the way she’s feeling SOLELY based on this content. Rather shallow of you don’t you think? As a quick peek into what she’s like as a person, you might want to scroll up and read the other comments from members of this community.
You’re right that I don’t know Maggie, so my thoughts on her are based on what she wrote. I fully admit that I could be completely wrong about what Maggie is like, but for the purposes of my argument, it’s more important what people like Maggie are like and what they will do within NP (because there’s evidence from universities and other organizations of what they have done and are doing.) And I wasn’t judging her full character–e.g. what kind of a daughter she is or how kind she might be in certain situations–but simply seeing her as an example of the kind of attitude that will ultimately not be for any organization. So if you can, please try to evaluate my words as predictions about what might happen to NP because I think they have merit even if I don’t know Maggie well. But based on what she wrote, I saw her as someone who very much experiences and reacts to the world and other people by gender/race labels, who didn’t seem to be aware of any faults/mistakes she might have committed, who didn’t say a word about the privileges minorities enjoy or the very real racism within minority communities. I can’t possibly know her (or anyone) completely, so I do the next best thing: make judgments based on what I do know (in this case, what she wrote and how she presented herself and others). I don’t think anyone can do anything else in responding to someone who wrote a public article. And remember, too, that Maggie is asking people to judge some NP leaders (and by extension all of NP) by presenting her version of the events. So if I’m wrong, then so is Maggie.
RP wrote: You write the following: “The kinds of grievances I read about in the States (e.g. a group won’t celebrate the holiday that I like) would be laughable in other countries I’ve lived in where minorities’ lives and livelihoods are threatened, not just feelings.”
Stop trying to minimize her voice. Just because you’ve seen other communities enduring more suffering does not negate what is going on here. Let me add more clarity to this with a simple example:A woman goes out on a run and gets catcalled by men. She feels violated and speaks out on what happened. Your response is similar to someone saying “Oh! But there are tons of women out there being raped. Think about all those women, how you feel means nothing compared to that”. This is not acceptable.
I’m not trying to negate her feelings or minimizing her voice. I’m just trying to bring some perspective. I remain unconvinced by your example of the woman who gets catcalled by men, because not getting your way with a group holiday event is nothing like being catcalled. How about this for perspective? What if you saw a very rich kid throw a tantrum because his parents weren’t going to give him a new phone? Would you be justified in thinking, “If he only knew how kids in other countries live?” Or would that be minimizing his pain? Perhaps my example is as unfair as your example. But I don’t think it’s wrong to make comparisons; I don’t think every comparison is an attempt at silencing or minimizing people.
RP wrote: Another thing I am really confused about – If there are “many graver injustices all around us” as you mention, why are you here trolling on a November Project blog (and from the sounds of what you said many other groups as well), minimizing Maggie’s voice instead of being out on the front lines fighting as hard as you can for these marginalized communities. Surely, by your logic, your time would be much better served there.
“Groups like NP and its members should consider which issues to give energy to: those that will bring relief and tangible help to many who are suffering horrific injustices, or those that will allow them to virtue signal and make themselves feel better.”
This is the issue that we as members of the November Project community (the community you have admitted to not having any affiliations to but yet go to great lengths to talk about what we should do) have chosen to tackle. Maybe you should start an organization yourself that champions these causes and reach out to November Project for a collaboration project. I’m sure leadership would be more than happy to partner with you, once this group has worked on the issues at hand.
Yes, I do have a day job. But once in a while, when I see examples of identity politics threatening civil discourse, freedom of speech (because identity politics inevitably leads to silencing and canceling those on the “wrong” side), I chime in to fight against the group-think of the woke. I simply want to voice the opinion that there are other ways to see and respond to the situation besides political solutions (e.g. quotas by skin color for positions of leadership and enforced sensitivity training) and abject public apologies (which are usually useless in rebuilding community, compared to actual one-on-one conversations leading to mutual understanding and respect). I’m not sure what the definition of a troll is, but I hope it doesn’t just mean someone who voices an unpopular opinion.
SK as someone who has no connection with NP or Maggie beyond being Asian-American, your response in some ways lacks a lot of context and proves the point of what is being communicated. There is just a lack of regard for peoples emotional space and processing. I get what you are TRYING to say. But it falls very short of truly understanding.
I am a black male and a cancer survivor. For years I subscribed to your thinking by diminishing the validity of my feelings because “My life could always have been worse because I survived”. How dare I ever be sad, or unsatisfied! I also diminished the feelings of other people of color because I “had it good” growing up in a suburb not experiencing overt trauma around my skin color. As I grew older I realized how toxic this was. Where we fall short in this toxic thinking is in creating a habit of ignoring, neglecting, and diminishing our feelings and experiences, then in turn ignoring, neglecting, and diminishing others feelings and experiences. Many mental health issues stem from this behavior and the belief that its not possible to have greater perspective and still be sad, angry, impatient. But thats not true at all. In fact, once you work through sad, anger, frustration, and impatience you can actually discover happiness, relief, love and patience. But we cant move forward, especially in relationships, until we have acknowledged how we truly feel first. The way is through, not around like you suggest.
However, I want to pivot there and say you have the right to process your thoughts and feelings however you’d like 100%. But you dont get to put someone else’s feelings into perspective for them – especially someone you know nothing about, in a community you have no interest in building a relationship with. Your response is very misplaced. If you had a relationship with Maggie (whom I have a very good relationship with) I think you would understand that Maggie goes out of her way to put people on her shoulders and lift them up, and the last thing she wants to do is wallow, or give people the idea that she cant handle these challenges. Maggie isnt asking us to take care of her problems. She just wants to be f**%ing heard and for others to take care of their sh*t. If you dont understand that, its because there is SOMETHING in you that refuses to listen. That SOMETHING in you is part of the problem.
Help me understand how posting pictures to FB of a beach/sunsets is white privilege.
So that comment struck me too and I was trying to figure it out. I think the answer is to be inferred in the sentences following:
“I hate that White people can do what they want in such a carefree way. I’m not afforded that. I can’t ever just be Maggie. I’m Maggie the model minority. I’m Maggie, the second Asian female coleader outside of Asia, after Elise Borja, former coleader of Milwaukee. I’m Maggie the articulate writer. In addition to my current exasperation and anger, I am feeling overly exposed. I’m raw from sharing what it’s like to be a coleader with a marginalized identity. What are my White peers doing with this information that I share?”
I think (PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong) that it was about anything she did would invite judgement upon all Asians as she was a token member of group, whereas white people can just post whatever.
As a white hetero cis male, I find myself both moved by Maggie’s struggles and feeling unheard and unseen, but also wanting an executive summary of the main issues felt so that I can own my part in her experience and know what to change. Here’s what I’m getting. PLEASE clarify if I’m getting it wrong. I’m only speaking to make sure I’m listening:
1. Maggie’s feelings of being a token minority, and in a position of having all Asian judged for her actions
2. Feeling invisible/unheard when meeting with NP leadership, and lacking for POC allies. Defensive and “fragile” reactions when diversity issues were brought up.
3. General failures by NP culture to accommodate diversity along the lines of anyone not cis-gendered white Christian hetero (e.g. the Carol incident, having a Pride workout clumsily lead by a straight couple). Not having people from the marginalized groups actually leading the activities intended to honor those groups.
If you look at Maggie’s Instagram, she posts beaches and sunsets too. I wonder if it’s in reference to late May/early June? To be in a position to ignore what was happening and continue to post as normal seems like it could be an example of white privilege?
The lack of context here and in the discussion of Rob and Mia bugs me, especially as a queer member. With all of the racism examples, Maggie says what was actually said but with the queer incident, she just characterizes. I want to know what Rob and Mia actually said so I can assess how I feel going to NYC in future.
Same. I’m not remotely wanting to dismiss Maggie’s (or other minority people) experience, but before take much of this in, I need a bit of clarity on what exactly happened in each of these incidents. For example, I just learned that the Pride workout was actually lead by queer people, as by tradition, but that it was the cleanup afterwards that was mishandled.
I feel like I’ve been invited to react to part of an argument I just overheard through the walls of my apartment. I don’t know any of these names here other than Brogan.
Could someone who was at any of the events alluded to actually describe what happened?
Anonymous & Joel,
While I understand your desire to receive context, I want to highlight Maggie’s words in this moment:
“If you are a White person that I’ve called out in this piece of writing, maybe you are outraged or hurt. You will get defensive and say I took things out of context. You will highlight your real intention. You will go off about how what you communicated to me was not meant to be publicized. So I ask you, what is more important—respecting the boundaries of communication or my safety? Or the safety of someone else with a marginalized identity?”
As someone called out in this blog, I think it is important that we respect Maggie’s request to respect her safety in this moment. The context to these stories is far less important than the hurt that was caused.
Thanks,
Mia
Hi Mia,
Unclear where you got that I’m white? People can hold more than one marginalized identity, and I’m wondering about my safety as a queer member too.
It sounds like in refusing to address the harm that may have been done to queer members of the community, you’re doing exactly what Maggie is describing in that paragraph – being defensive, refusing to provide any context, and respecting the boundaries of communication at the expense of queer member’s ability to assess their safety at NYC.
Hi Anon,
I’m sorry if that was confusing – I was calling myself white and expressing that I don’t think I should be providing more context as Maggie has asked us not to. If you would like to reach out to me directly on Facebook/Instagram, I am happy to take this conversation offline. But I do not think that would be respecting Maggie’s request to leave context out of it.
I am sorry if my explanation made you feel that I was categorizing you in one way. I was trying to point it back to me.
Thanks,
Mia
I attended NP NYC and Brooklyn for two years. I’m quiet and didn’t fit in super well, but I liked the energy. I never had anyone to talk to at coffee or before the bounce, but I was always friendly (I thought!) to my partners and groups during the workout and they seemed friendly back and I figured eventually things would click and I would make friends. I never did. For whatever it’s worth, Maggie was always friendly to me and tried to include me when I was obviously on the side-lines. Through no fault of hers, it felt like the teacher being nice to the awkward kid in school because no one else was, so I shied away from it.
What made me leave was when I had been coming for two years, was friends with tons of these people on multiple social media platforms, and no one reached out to me to see if I wanted to contribute to Maggie and Jessica’s holiday gift for the second year in a row. They were both kind to me and I would have liked to. Super minor thing in the grand scheme of life, but it made me realize I was not a part of the community and I could try to work harder and be better but it was never going to change.
And what I thought until I read Maggie’s post was that it was never going to change because there was something inherently wrong *with me.* You have this group that’s supposed to be for everyone and is so inclusive and welcoming. So I just assumed that if it wasn’t like that for me, it was my fault. NP NYC and Brooklyn did a survey earlier in this year asking you to describe a time you felt excluded and it was open to former members. I thought about filling it out, but how is it constructive to tell you I feel excluded when it’s because I did something wrong?
I don’t fault anyone, then or now. November Project wasn’t a good fit for me and that’s okay. But pretending it’s this utopia of friendliness and inclusion is hurtful and harmful, and I imagine that environment makes it incredibly difficult to speak up when racist and homophobic things happen.
So thank you Maggie – for being kind to me personally and for being brave enough to speak out.
Hey M! As the person who helped coordinate the gifts, I’m sorry that you were excluded. Even though it was unintentional, it definitely had an impact. I tried to make it as inclusive as possible across all social media platforms (including making sure people got the word out in private groups), but obviously failed in this regard. Honestly, I want NP to get away from using Facebook to try and connect members. It’s just not working. I understand why you wanted to get away from NP and am truly sorry that’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Hi Abby –
I appreciate the apology, but I think it’s disingenuous to blame the limitations of social media when you and I were Facebook friends as of December 2019 (assuming of course that you are the Abby I think you are – Star Wars?). The fact is that NP Brooklyn has an inner circle and I’m just not the kind of personality type that would have been ever able to break into that. Which truly is fine, not everything has to be for everyone – I just wish I hadn’t wasted months blaming myself for not fitting in.
Yes, that’s me! I appreciate you calling me in here; it wasn’t my intention to blame social media, I did say I failed. I think we can agree that it’s not your fault that you didn’t feel included.
First of all, I just want to commend Maggie for writing something that was probably very difficult for her. I also want to extend my deepest sympathy for any/all times she felt anything other than happy, welcome and heard.
But what I am here to comment on are the replies here that are suggestion that Maggie is exaggerating or playing victim. The idea that SHE needs to summarize for anyone every specific incident that caused her to feel hurt, or to tell anyone else what WE need to do in order to make her feel better. It doesn’t matter what it was that prompted Maggie to write this blog. She felt hurt by this community and that is unacceptable. It is disgusting to put any of this back on her. It doesn’t matter if you think her feelings aren’t valid just because she is not facing imminent danger. It’s incredibly unfair (and absolutely said from a place of privilege) that never hurting people’s feelings is a “pipe dream”. The point is to try and get to a place where that never happens.
Obviously, there is a lot of work to do. I just hope we can get this done together and quickly. No one deserves to feel hurt, unheard, or excluded.
Lots of love, a cis white woman.
I know that I’m not woke enough for most of the people commenting, but before you simply dismiss me as someone with privilege (which in itself is an incredibly arrogant and judgmental thing to do to someone you don’t know), please consider the potentially negative consequences to playing the identity politics game within NP, no matter how good the intentions are of not wanting anyone to feel hurt or excluded.
When people define themselves and others by labels (cis, white, queer, POC, etc), and when those labels become more important than the actual person/personality behind those labels, then I think truly genuine, human connections become more difficult and the community becomes more fragmented. It’s hard to connect with another person or see that person as an individual if you’re waling on eggshells because you’re worried about how others see you as a person of privilege; it’s also hard to connect with another person if you’re constantly thinking about the privileges you don’t think you have or how the other person’s skin color is supporting the system that you think is oppressing you. Seeing people through identity labels is not a good foundation for building a community. Perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps I’m right. But the fact that you dismiss my voice as “privileged” makes me think that I’m right, because in your vision of NP, people who think like me would be automatically excluded while people who think like Maggie would be automatically celebrated. But of course, for people who support identity politics, not all exclusion is equal, which is just another way of saying not all people are equal.
Just because I called it a pipe dream doesn’t mean that I don’t think treating all people with respect isn’t something worth doing. Of course it is. That’s such an obviously good thing to do that it seems ridiculous that I have to come out and say it explicitly. What I called a pipe dream is this: even if we all try to become better people as defined by SJW/identity politicians, the idea that they will ever be satisfied or never feel hurt is a pipe dream. The idea that NP will ever be inclusive enough to them is a pipe dream. The idea that everyone–gay, white, black, conservative, Asian, rich, young, old, skinny, slow, socially awkward, etc.–will feel equally welcome in NP (or any other group) is a pipe dream. NP can try to legislate behavior, put in quotas for leaders and hold sensitivity training workshops ad nauseum, but the utopia it envisions is a pipe dream. There will always be other Maggies who feel slighted, who blame others for not feeling comfortable. Why do I know that? Because 1) human beings already have an infinite capacity for blaming others and for feeling unhappy, and 2) people are being told/taught that the whole socio-political-economic-judicial system is inherently racist/bigoted/oppressive.
The solution is obvious and simple and always has been: treat one another with respect, do to others as you would have them do to you, go out of your comfort zone to get to know people outside your circle, act with grace, ask for and extend forgiveness. (But it must go both ways; both Maggie and Mia need to do this. You can’t divide NP (or any group) into the privileged and the aggrieved by skin color or any other label and say that only the privileged need to change. I think that’ll only lead to disunity and desertion.) If those very personal and human actions are taken, then they will do far more for the well-being of NP and its members than any policy changes that will ultimately prove futile in making Maggie feel better.
SK, while I agree with you in theory, in practice what you’re saying should happen just isn’t happening. That’s one of the point syou’re missing from the post.
You’re “all lives matter”ing Maggie’s post. Of COURSE all lives SHOULD matter. But until we as a society regularly treat black lives as if they don’t matter as much as other lives, we must repeat to ourselves that” black lives matter” until our actions as a society reflects that notion.*
*and if, in your world, it seems like black folks (or, in the case of Maggie’s post, all those people in all those groups she described) really do matter and everyone is being treated the same, I’d recommend you make a much more concerted effort to see what’s really happening below the surface, because there’s a real good chance it’s not what you think. Best of luck!
Without going into a long post on why people can’t just respect each other and treat one another as equals–I think it has a lot to do with trying to make people see morality=politics after having made them into non-spiritual materialists who reject the traditional motivations for morality–I just want to push back a bit on the narrative you support that our society doesn’t think black lives matter. Because it is a narrative. But it is one narrative out of many, though it’s the one pushed heavily by the cultural/educational/media elites. For every George Floyd story that captures the headlines, there are far more stories of how unsung Americans of various colors who give time/energy/money not just regularly but daily in helping or working with Blacks and who treat them with respect as equals. For every Michael Brown story, there are many other greater injustices (e.g. child sex trafficking, which I think has far more victims than black victims of white cop brutality) that hardly capture the attention of those same elites. And I think it’s the height of condescension to not ask what responsibility the black community has in bringing about changes (e.g. fatherlessness in the home, higher than average crime rate among young black men). If we think of Blacks as equals, then they need to be asked difficult questions, too, just as many so virtuously ask of whites.
Why/how is it that in America racism and homophobia are touted as the greatest sins? (I think that’s evidence that there exists a dominant narrative driven by elites.) And why do you single out “Black Lives Matter” as the one slogan every person in society must chant before giving attention to any other issue? If it’s true that injustice for one is injustice for all, then shouldn’t we be interested in injustices of all types–i.e. “all lives matter”? I think we should be able to ask such questions without being accused by some of racism or by others of not caring about the black community.
I don’t know what’s going on below the surface in American society. (But apparently you do?) But having lived most of my 50+ years in various Asian countries, I can say with absolutely no doubt that America is much less racist than any of them. Can you think of any country that doesn’t have slavery in its history? Can you think of any country that elected a person from a once enslaved race as its president? My point isn’t to deny that there are injustices in America. Of course there is. My point is that in the current climate of the elite-driven narrative seized on by SJWs for action, the kind of solutions that NP is adopting will not work and will never satisfy people like Maggie who think that they can rightly judge people by their identity labels and so do not know how to build relationships with them as individuals.
“I know that I’m not woke enough for most of the people commenting, but before you simply dismiss me as someone with privilege (which in itself is an incredibly arrogant and judgmental thing to do to someone you don’t know)”
I find it incredibly ironic that you state the above, but then choose to judge Maggie’s character in your first post based solely on her blog post (“see their own privileges or their own shortcomings, or fail to celebrate their uniqueness, and choose only to dwell on hurtful experiences”). Surely if you feel that way, you would extend the same courtesy to others? To borrow your words, I think what you are doing is “incredibly arrogant and judgmental”.
“When people define themselves and others by labels (cis, white, queer, POC, etc), and when those labels become more important than the actual person/personality behind those labels, then I think truly genuine, human connections become more difficult and the community becomes more fragmented.”
This gets even more ironic because you judge Maggie’s character without learning more about the “actual person/personality behind” the labels you speak of. Have you spent time with her/spoken to her/gotten to know her better? Also, you then proceed to label people who share a similar perspective as “SJWs/identity politicians”? You do realize SJW has a pejorative and condescending tone to it right? Which high horse are you on that gives you the power to state all of the above and call people out on it, but yet not play by your own rules?
The pipe dream that you’re refencing is only a pipe dream because you’re alluding to perfection. For complete equality. There is no such thing as complete equality. America is not perfect, but it sure as hell does not mean we stop fighting for a more perfect union. It is the same here. This is a spectrum. I read Maggie’s intentions as trying to find a version of November Project that is MORE inclusive, MORE diverse, MORE safe, MORE open. Not just for white folx, but for everyone. Not PERFECTLY inclusive, not PERFECTLY diverse, not PERFECTLY safe, not PERFECTLY open. Will there be breaches/issues down the line? You bet. But that shouldn’t stop us from working towards a better November Project.
You write that the solution is to “treat one another with respect, do to others as you would have them do to you, go out of your comfort zone to get to know people outside your circle, act with grace, ask for and extend forgiveness”.
Have you ever thought that in order for people to show up as their true selves and be able to do as you so eloquently idealized, that they have to feel like they belong in this community? This means feeling like they are included, not gaslighted. This means that they feel like there is a safe space to share their thoughts without being minimized. When you can show up as your true self, (“unapologetically you” to borrow Maggie’s words), it makes it much easier to give and support others and feel like you belong. We don’t choose our identity, just like we don’t choose the color of our skin or the privilege that we have.
“I know that I’m not woke enough for most of the people commenting, but before you simply dismiss me as someone with privilege (which in itself is an incredibly arrogant and judgmental thing to do to someone you don’t know)”
RP wrote: I find it incredibly ironic that you state the above, but then choose to judge Maggie’s character in your first post based solely on her blog post (“see their own privileges or their own shortcomings, or fail to celebrate their uniqueness, and choose only to dwell on hurtful experiences”). Surely if you feel that way, you would extend the same courtesy to others? To borrow your words, I think what you are doing is “incredibly arrogant and judgmental”.
“When people define themselves and others by labels (cis, white, queer, POC, etc), and when those labels become more important than the actual person/personality behind those labels, then I think truly genuine, human connections become more difficult and the community becomes more fragmented.”
This gets even more ironic because you judge Maggie’s character without learning more about the “actual person/personality behind” the labels you speak of. Have you spent time with her/spoken to her/gotten to know her better? Also, you then proceed to label people who share a similar perspective as “SJWs/identity politicians”? You do realize SJW has a pejorative and condescending tone to it right? Which high horse are you on that gives you the power to state all of the above and call people out on it, but yet not play by your own rules?
Yes, I do realize that SJW has a pejorative tone, which is why I used it. I used it as a shorthand to explain how I see people who, because they only see other people in terms of race and skin color, can only see the problems and solutions in political terms and only assign blame based on race/skin color. Because apparently systemic racism can explain everything and divide everyone neatly into the good side and the bad side. I’m sure that Maggie has many other sides to her personality and life, but I think I’m correct in labeling as SJW based on what she wrote. After all, don’t you label people as racists and xenophobes and homophobes based on what they say or tweet? Or do you wait until you get to know the whole person?
RP wrote: The pipe dream that you’re refencing is only a pipe dream because you’re alluding to perfection. For complete equality. There is no such thing as complete equality. America is not perfect, but it sure as hell does not mean we stop fighting for a more perfect union. It is the same here. This is a spectrum. I read Maggie’s intentions as trying to find a version of November Project that is MORE inclusive, MORE diverse, MORE safe, MORE open. Not just for white folx, but for everyone. Not PERFECTLY inclusive, not PERFECTLY diverse, not PERFECTLY safe, not PERFECTLY open. Will there be breaches/issues down the line? You bet. But that shouldn’t stop us from working towards a better November Project.
You write that the solution is to “treat one another with respect, do to others as you would have them do to you, go out of your comfort zone to get to know people outside your circle, act with grace, ask for and extend forgiveness”.
Have you ever thought that in order for people to show up as their true selves and be able to do as you so eloquently idealized, that they have to feel like they belong in this community? This means feeling like they are included, not gaslighted. This means that they feel like there is a safe space to share their thoughts without being minimized. When you can show up as your true self, (“unapologetically you” to borrow Maggie’s words), it makes it much easier to give and support others and feel like you belong. We don’t choose our identity, just like we don’t choose the color of our skin or the privilege that we have.
Yes, I agree that a sense of belonging is very important. But that’s a complicated, difficult thing because everyone who comes to a group like NP comes with baggage, different experiences, different expectations. By all means, NP should try to be a community where everyone can be true to themselves. Where I disagree with people like Maggie is the idea that when problems arise, they reside solely on one side with a certain skin color, because human conflicts are rarely that simple and assigning blame to one side is not the way to solve them. SJW want to apply the same political solution to every situation where POC and whites are in conflict; SJWs want to apply the same political solution to every situation because they can’t see that the conflicts are caused by frail human egos beneath the identity labels. How can a genuine human community and relationships of mutual respect happen when one side is prejudged to be the one at fault, prejudged to be the one who has to change, and the other side is prejudged to be the only side that can have grievances and be victims of injustice. Sure, for a while, some might virtue signal and go along with the solutions, but my concern/prediction for NP (and for American society in general) is that they will eventually lead to a fracturing of community and genuine human connections.
Finally, I do want to thank you, RP, for engaging me in conversation, even though you might have thought I was trolling.
first world people problems. lol
As a minority woman who went to NP before it aimed to be some “world force”,(circa 2014) I accepted it for its super white being. None of what you shared is shocking.
It was founded by two white men who went to Harvard. Need I say more.
I do not know today’s leadership but I can say the whiteness of NP is one of the reasons I stopped going. And how NY became so clique’ish. NP back then did not even attempt to mesh with the other more urban run crews.
Good job on using your voice. I believe I once told you via a message to share your voice more. Therefore I am very proud of you.
“It was founded by two white men who went to Harvard. Need I say more.”
Yes, you do. Wow. The fact that you think knowing their gender and race says everything there is to say about them or the organization they founded is truly astonishing. Thank you for showing us clearly the sexism and racism that lies within the SJW/identity politicians who virtue signal about fighting against sexism and racism.
S.K. – You make excellent points and are pragmatic in your response. Treating everyone with respect and kindness is something that we can all do in NP and I think most of us can agree that NP has in fact made us better people outside of the workouts. It has introduced many of us to the idea of actual, real interaction with people.
Of course it won’t ever be perfect and satisfy everyone, and good luck finding anything in the world that will. It’s a free run club run by volunteers who mean well but aren’t perfect. These people and all who attend can always learn from each other and make progress towards understanding those who have a different life story. It would be a foolish game to try and satisfy each and every perceived slight and grievance and I agree that the attempt to do so would actually be the end of this community. Trying to pass some new purity test of wokeness is not what will build a strong diverse group of people looking for a fun sweat.
If NP truly has failed you in your community, that really sucks and in the cases of true leadership failures, HQ should intervene and make sure proper leadership is in place.
But here’s the thing…if NP brings you such pain and hardship and you have the answers to how to build something better, go build something better and we will all be happy to join.
Thanks. I think it’s people like you who might ultimately be able to save NP from those who would destroy it from within. I agree 100% that a purity test for wokeness will do irreversible harm to any group, as would a quota of any kind for leadership.
Lol, 你等得鬼閒, 冇嘢做, how sad. Can’t even put your full name down, but will continue replying.
I don’t write my full name because the left’s hateful cancel culture is real–the same left that keeps saying love trumps hate. But good job avoiding a response to the content of my post. That’s really intellectually brave.
S.K., I wrote this piece to November Project Brooklyn, the community I choose to serve, to explain why I will be absent. This is my last message to you, as I owe you nothing whilst you continue to cower behind your keyboard offering little to none of your own vulnerability. If it gives you joy to make assumptions about my character, go for it. If it gives you joy to get the last word in by way of another comment, type away.
冇膽鬼
And your replies toward those who don’t agree with you tell me that you’re not the paragon of warmth and friendliness that some people have been saying, that placing you as the leader of an NP group will not solve the problem of some people being/feeling marginalized.
Even though you try to mock me into not replying, I have two last thoughts on your October 31 message: 1) my lack of vulnerability or anonymity has nothing to do with the merits or demerits of my observation on your initial post, which is simply that trying to label people’s motives/actions by the color of their skin, seeing the problem and the solution through simplistic White vs. POC or straight vs. LGBTQ divisions is not going to benefit NP (or any organization/society). 2) I make assumptions about you based on what you reveal about your worldview, psyche, experiences and reactions in your writing–just the same as you do about me. And reading your post again, I stand by my analysis that it’s written by someone for whom feelings are everything, for whom race/color is deterministic (as if wanting to celebrate Christmas must somehow only be a White thing), who can’t seem to understand or emotionally handle the fact that not everyone can or wants to see or experience the world the way she does.
Obviously, my thoughts don’t matter much to you since I’m a stranger and not a part of your community. That’s fine. But I sincerely hope that you have at least one person in your community who cares about you enough to tell you difficult things once in a while and challenge your worldview–because being so easily triggered into emotional breakdown and fear doesn’t seem to be the best way to engage with the world (a world in which you most definitely are not the center) for the rest of your life.
“you have the answers to how to build something better, go build something better and we will all be happy to join.”
Why do marginalized people have to do the work here?
That’s the thing… There has been a mountain of work done by everyone within the NP community to make it what it is. For many “marginalized” people, it has been a place of happiness, fitness and friends. The community was literally built as a place of inclusion and removed as many barriers as possible to attain these things.
If after that work some are still feeling like it isn’t good enough and they could build something better, they should.
“For many “marginalized” people, it has been a place of happiness, fitness and friends. The community was literally built as a place of inclusion and removed as many barriers as possible to attain these things.”
Judging from the responses to this post, I really have to disagree. Your sentence does not reflect the sentiment of “many marginalized people”. It might be your personal opinion, that’s fine. I respect that. But for many it isn’t so. Otherwise this blog post would not resonate so strongly in the way it has done.
It is undeniable that a lot of work has been put in to make the NP community what it is. But it doesn’t mean we should sit still and think that everything is perfect. You don’t sit still and rest on your laurels. Continuous work has to be done by all to make this group a better, more inclusive one.
“If after that work some are still feeling like it isn’t good enough and they could build something better, they should.”
This is precisely what is happening here. The easy thing to do for Maggie (and a path a lot of people have taken) would have been to just leave, quit and move on. But she is choosing to stay to fight for a better version of NP. Judging from a lot of the responses to this post, I think most people are grateful for it.
Well spoken, yet there are typos and spelling errors. As someone diagnosed with dyslexia I can honestly say I likely too have typos too. However, when you are speaking on a topic of this importance spelling and typos can impact your message greatly.
As a white individual I do have to say that some of what you have experienced is more a NP leadership culture in general. As someone who attended NP early on in DC I can say that there was a bias for leaders to be more fixated on popularity. It took me a month of showing up to be accepted. In comparison to DC, I did attend an NYC workout way back in the day and I was welcomed with open arms. Again this was some time ago and irrelevant but there is an overarching issue of many individuals not feeling welcome at NP. I apologize for your experiences in leadership, I cannot speak to those. My heart aches for your pain. Thank you for sharing.
So, in order for you to hear what she’s said you need her to correct any typos? “hey, i’m sorry for your pain but make sure you express that pain in a way that I feel is appropriate”. You didn’t need to mention that you’re white because you’ve shown that in your response.
Thank you, C, for providing another example of the kind of attitude and discourse we can expect from people who judge each other by skin color. I’m sure that you’ll contribute mightily in building the warm community that NP would like.
If you’re going to insult my writing, consider doing it with more accuracy. There are no spelling errors or typos in my writing. My writing, if anything, intentionally does not follow the rules of grammar.
Commend you I for wokeness signalling through grammar rules breaking. For help between people communication helpful very. For me feel bad ’cause my English teacher you wasn’t. Top level SJW is you. Many “Like” Wish For You From Same Thinkers.
I would hope that in the future NP members/leaders will be more considerate toward, more aware of the needs/perspective/experiences, and more open to the unconscious bias against people like D who have dyslexia. I can imagine that a less than fully understanding reply like this might trigger someone like D and keep her away from NP forever. (Apologies to D if I’m misrepresenting her feelings, but I’m just speaking out on behalf of the whole dyslexic community.) After all, dyslexics are probably a much smaller minority than Asian Americans. I can’t help but feel that this response is EVIDENCE of a systemic oppression of dyslexics by those with an unconscious bias against them. What? You don’t think you have any unconscious bias against them? Well, what more proof do I need? Your denial speaks for itself.
Maggie, I’m not sure if you remember me, but I met you at the NP NYC Marathon post-party last year after my sister ran. I was in awe of you then, and continue to be now. Thank you so much for putting into words what I have felt for years at NP Seattle. Not because of the actions of any one person in particular (although I could cite specific circumstances and people, I’m not nearly brave enough), but the vibe as a whole has been exclusive and callous for years. When I have brought that up with members of the group, I have been gaslighted and told that maybe NP isn’t for me, or just plain ignored. To be fair, the current coleaders at NP Seattle are wonderful – I have talked to both of them about these issues and they have listened thoughtfully.
In many ways, I’m grateful for the pandemic. I found NP to be a toxic atmosphere for me, and it has allowed me to step away in a way I would have felt judged for previously. I’m grateful for many of the friendships I have made through NP – those people know who they are.
Thank you for sharing this and bringing awareness to a need for change. While I don’t think that this problem can be solved over any short timeframe, at the very least it should be addressed and reflected upon regularly by NP as a whole and by each individual who has read this piece. It is clearer to me now that individual action and reflection is necessary within the NP community and within the other communities that I am a part of.
I’ve never met you, but I’m proud of you for writing this. It took me years to find a fitness group that felt inclusive. And once I finally did, I felt so at peace with giving up on the groups that didn’t work for me.
Your experience is heavier than anything I went through, but I think what always baffled me about NP was that while I was being hugged and told “thanks for being here” I never felt it. I’m pretty intuitive, and realized quickly I wouldn’t find my place at NP.
I hope you find a safety and acceptance with people who listen to you. People who are able to admit when they drop the ball or exude toxicity.
Readers, if Maggie’s article incites feelings of defensiveness within you, I challenge you to sit with those feelings. Ask if your past behavior mirrors what she’s written. It will feel so uncomfortable, but if at any point this year you liked, shared, retweeted an article about anti-racism, and thought that anti-racism is something you want to pursue … this is a opportunity to take the first step.
Thank you for writing this post and sharing your experiences. It takes incredible strength and courage to be this open and honest and to say things that you know people don’t want to hear.
After this election, maybe all of this can be changed. This election has everyone against each other and stressed beyond belief. I know Trump will probably be re-elected, but I think we should all learn to love one another again and be at peace. We all have the same goal at NP, and that is to better ourselves and support all of our peers in striving to be a better person. Love and peace y’all!
Maggie,
Longtime NP’er chiming in late here and just wanted to commend you on your simultaneous vulnerability and strength in sharing your experiences. Hopefully, your story will finally be the one that convinces NP to take a lasting look in the mirror and decide that if it truly wants to be a welcoming space for everyone, its actions need to match its rhetoric…from the founders to corporate, from group leaders to members.
Maggie, I have been sitting on this for a while…I think you writing a blog and calling out so many people individually makes you a coward more than it makes you a hero. You are seeking equality and love and empathy and understanding, yet all this blog did was judge people who didn’t put you up on a pedestal.
Can someone please tell me how photographing sunsets and sharing them on social media is bragging? Isn’t nature free? How dare you shame someone for doing that!
I just scoped out your instagram and I see lots of places, namely Hawaii- do you think MOST people can afford something like that? You don’t think that is a privilege in itself?
I think your issues run deeper than November Project, and I hope you are able to get the help you need. Maybe writing this and using NP as a platform made you feel better in the moment, but really, what did it solve besides creating more separation and division?