… then to be understood.
On a day where so many have love and caring on their minds, it seems fitting to talk about the next part of the Community Agreements, Call In.
Whether it’s in person, or on the socials, it has become commonplace for people to call others out when they disagree with something. There is no shortage of critics these days and all are willing to tell you that you and your beliefs are wrong and you should do or believe <INSERT BELIEF HERE>. Now, I’m no lawyer, but I do know that there are always two sides to any story. When I was a camp counselor and two children got in an argument, the first thing you did was to listen to both of them tell their side of the story. After that, you then end up telling them that it’s ok to disagree with each other but you can’t hit, yell, call them names the other person. You had to treat each other with respect, even if you disagree with them. Just so we’re clear, you didn’t have to take any sides, but you did try to understand both sides. I believe that most people don’t wake up and choose to be a bad person on any given day. I also believe that people make choices based on their life experiences, their values, and what’s important to them. But when those aren’t the same as someone else, that’s when you run into problems.
This is where “seeking to understand” comes in. It’s the basis of what is known as Calling In. The concept of Calling In helps you understand a different perspective while opening the conversation without putting the other person on defense. Those are some big words, but what does it all mean? Well, let’s say someone says something you don’t agree with, or even find offensive. If you were to call out someone, you’d probably say something along the lines of “you shouldn’t say that, it’s mean.” It would immediately put the other person on the defensive and your chance at an open dialogue is almost gone. When you call someone in, what you’re doing, is trying to understand why they would say something like that. It would be something like this.. “I heard you say *this* and I was interested in understanding why you chose that word, or what you mean by it.” It allows you to understand their perspective and follow it up with yours as well. And while you may end up agreeing to disagree, perhaps both sides can learn a thing or two about choices of language or about perspectives. In the end, you want to have a respectful and open dialogue. I’ve been working on using this tool for almost a year now, and I’m finding it very powerful in so many different situations. I’m very proud that this is included in November Project’s Community Agreements.
Announcements
Monday – Sunrise 6k! – Meet at the corner 105th Street and River Valley Road. Expect to be around a bit longer so that we can cheer in all of the runners.
Buffs are still for sale. $5 exact change.
Find the Good,
Nadim
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