I cried 4 separate times this morning. Four single tears rolled down my cheek in reaction to four different verbals being broken. Laura McCloskey doesn’t cry either. Unless it involves someone eating her food, then it’s straight water works.
Dan Clayton, it hurts me to write this. You are the co-leader of the SF tribe. You are a man of lengthy limbs. And apparently, you are a man who breaks verbals:
We know you have an “important” “job” in “finance” but lately I am starting to think otherwise. On Sunday, you have difficulty dividing 55 by 11. 5, Dan, the answer is 5. Has the brutality of choosing which short shorts to wear finally brought you to your knees? Have your insanely detailed workouts taken over your work day, making it actually difficult to do anything other than formulate next weeks game plan? Or were you just tangled up in the sheets with our next verbal breaker, Miss Amber Rose:
Amber Rose not only has two color names, and sounds like a pretty crayon color, but she also is a looker (See above). Her free spirit caught Dan’s eye from day one and now that they are going steady Amber thinks that when Dan sleeps, she can also sleep. No, no Amber. No, no. You see, the tribe can be without it’s lanky co-leaders from time to time, but we cannot survive without the girl with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair. Also, don’t you owe us skin products? Speaking of….
Samantha Hirsch, you are guilty of breaking yet another verbal. We get that it’s 70 degrees in SF today and you are oiled and ready to tan, but tell me, if you don’t come to NP WHO WILL INSTAGRAM FOR US?! The social media circuit for NPSF will die off (as well as the NP party scene) if you do not put your phone down (actually pick it back up and bring it) and come back to the tribe.
Last, but not least, is miss Christine Hogan who was most definitely saving an abandoned pit bull or volunteering at a shelter or doing some other really good person shit instead of being at NP so let’s be real, we just honestly missed your hugs. Actually, I do believe Nick is still at Corona Heights with his arms extended waiting for you. Might want to get over there so he can go home already.
HEY GUYS!!! WE MISSED YOU!!
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