The Story of Richard Head

When life throws you a curve ball, you drop the bat, charge the mound, and aim for the jaw. I’m sorry what I meant to say was when life gives you lemons; you go to the store and get yourself bananas, as those fuckers are way tastier than lemons. As you can tell I’m not really good with my proverbial phrases but what I’m really good at is calling people out.

Today I’m calling out everyone that’s taking their job WAY too seriously. You know like Mr. Richard Head (not his real name), the security guard that disrupted our already disruptive workout across from Back Bay train station. Mr. Richard Head or just Dick for short threatened to call local law enforcement agency if we didn’t vacate the premises of the private property that he was securing with his flashlight. The reasons for his actions are at this point just speculations. Some say that he was scared of unruly neon spandex mob taking over the Copley sq. Others are citing foul language and highly offensive gang tattoos of the group leaders as inappropriate and threatening for the unsuspecting customers that are visiting his mall during peak business hours between 6:30 and 7:00am. I personally think that our boy Dick Head was just taking his job way to seriously. Dear Dick, if you’re reading this, you have to relax. People that you chased off the courtyard are some of the nicest and friendliest in town. If you took two minutes of your busy patrol schedule to talk to some of them; the worst thing that would happen would be a temporary wet spot on your neatly pressed uniform you’d get from hugging a sweaty member of the tribe. I mean anyone that fluidly transitions from an air-squat to crayonasanaranga (in yoga circles known as “child drawing with crayons” pose) cannot mean any harm.

So Dick , whatever is going on in your life that’s making you miserable, take care of it soon. It’s only Monday, man. If you continue at this pace you might not make it to the weekend. Everyone else, if you catch yourself being a buzz kill like Mr. Head, take a deep breath and chill out.

I would like to take a moment and apologize to anyone named Richard Head for using their name to describe miserable mall security guard. I would also like to point out that all people with the last name Head who name their kids Richard are huge assholes!

Your artwork from this morning is now live on November Project facebook page. Huge thanks to Adam Amundson for scanning all the masterpieces and making my life so much easier. Artist that earns most likes before Wednesday at 5:30am will receive a free pair of running shoes. This is the perfect time to start harassing people you haven’t talked to since high school to like your crayon art. Ready, set, harass!

See you all on Wednesday!

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