The Chronicles of #RunGang (NPSF)

FOREWORD: “The Chronicles of #RunGang” is a fascinating read, reliving the highs and highers of #RunGang’s epic journeys over the hills and across the city of San Francisco. The author captivates the Tribe through his intricate knowledge of his Tribe members, our city’s street corners and 1980s cartoons. We can either attribute the originality and awesomeness of this work to Mark’s witty Ohio humour… or too many H&E and IHC experiments without the fume hood #science #knowledge

Have a great time at Stockholm Half Marathon, Mark & Co. Mama Lil will ensure that #RunGang doesn’t miss a stop until your widely anticipated return.

The Chronicles of #RunGang, by Mark Noviski

Chapter 1: The Bleep Heard ‘Round the World

Our story begins with the most recent addition to ‪#‎rungang‬. Liysa Fayeknew about #rungang before she even stepped foot in San Francisco. She hails from our sister tribe in NYC and messaged me after my blog post made its rounds on ‪#‎NewsCh19‬ back in June. Liysa was relieved to have a group usher her through the treacherous downhill route from Pac Heights to Fort Mason. But unlike most people who convert the potential energy of high elevation into the kinetic energy of fast speed, Liysa gathered it up and released it in the form of high-pitched bleeps. Combined with my lower-pitched awkward bloops, we harmonized to create a hypnotizing sound that imbues the world with an insatiable urge to do burpees. Make sure you drop a #‎verbal‬ to ‪#‎WakeupWednesday‬, join #rungang, and avoid the wrenching sensation of ‪#‎FOMO‬.

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Chapter 2: Levytation

The ‪#‎rungang‬ saga continues with one of our most reliable members,Jason Levy, who I recently learned possesses a secret set of super powers. Now, we all suspected something was fishy when he did a 15 minute plank AFTER a workout. But did you know that his “finisher’s tunnel dance” is a clever way to hide the fact that he’s incapable of staying anchored to the ground after running hills? Upon reaching the summit of Mount Tam, Pádraig Ó’Laoghaire was oblivious as Jason shot off the side of the mountain and surfed through the clouds. Will we witness this phenomenon at Battery to Bluffs tomorrow? Drop your ‪#‎verbal‬ for #rungang and find out!

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Chapter 3: The Schaarper Image

Today’s ‪#‎rungang‬ post is dedicated to Matt Schaar, A.K.A. the guy who grew up in South Dakota and voluntarily moved to Detroit before it was cool. You see, Matt is the kind of guy who likes to find beauty and potential in things other people brush aside. Detroit has lost more than half of its population since 1950 and is located in what coastal elites call “flyover country.” ‪#‎stormthefort‬ has less than half the attendance of our Wednesday workouts and takes place on what lazy people call “fucking Monday.” But as Matt can attest, there’s something great about being able to stretch out a bit, get loud, and hang around a more intimate crowd. Drop your ‪#‎verbal‬and get a taste of what the Wednesday-only crowd is missing!

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Chapter 4: A Girl Named Sue

There once was a girl named Sue
She went to school at Purdue
So cut her some slack
And hop off her back
She’s got plenty of burpees to do

Susan Gallentine
Likes to run to the workouts
She drops a ‪#‎verbal‬

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Chapter 5: Plate Tektonics

As many of us are aware, we’re all living on giant land masses sliding around on the earth’s mantle. We notice when they smack into each other and shake things up. But in the long run, all this smashing and sliding creates giant mountain ranges and the beautiful California coast we know and love.

Tantek Çelik is what we’d call a mover and shaker. He works on web standards, which is code for “Tantek pretty much runs the Internet.” But the Internet wasn’t created in a day; it took years of hard work and innovation by people like Tantek to shape that crazy amorphous thing we can’t imagine life without.

Tantek is also one of the earlier members of NPSF and one of the cofounders of ‪#‎rungang‬. Sometimes he’ll shake things up (remember the Friday Flats mutiny?), but most of the time he takes a long view, gradually shaping the #rungang routes into what they are today. I think this route fits Tantek’s standards. Drop your ‪#‎verbal‬ to join #rungang and experience all the scenery “Plate Tektonics” can create!

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Chapter Six: Lacing Up Some New Schus

Popular culture loves to bash Monday. If it weren’t for the NFL, MLB, and NBA, Monday-bashing would certainly be the national sport. But what if we turned everything upside down? Instead of representing the end of the weekend, Monday represents the beginning of an AWESOME week. The kind that makes Stephanie Schuman jump in the air. It puts a bounce in your step like a new pair of shoes. It’s the kind of feeling that ‪#‎rungang‬ gets when we meet Stephanie at the top of the hill and all that separates us from dozens of hugs is a quick downhill run. It’s knowing that once you get past the struggle of waking up, ‪#‎stormthefort‬ is the beginning of a week that holds countless amazing surprises. Drop your ‪#‎verbals‬!

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Chapter 7: The Frederick Street Accords

We take a break from your regularly scheduled ‪#‎rungang‬ post to cover breaking news out of Cole Valley. Josh Zipin, Chancellor of ‪#‎Bikegang‬, was recently spotted in the same house as Mark Noviski, President of #Rungang. An anonymous source has reported that Mr. Zipin has officially moved into Mr. Noviski’s residence, leading to rumors that cold war between the notorious gangs of November Project- San Francisco might be thawing. Mr. Noviski has agreed to participate in the traditional ‪#‎tweeners ‬ritual practiced by Mr. Zipin and his comrades, and Mr. Zipin has indicated that he will attend one of #rungang’s regimented routines in the near future. Given that #tweeners is inaccessible without participating in ‪#‎earlygang‬, the two former rivals are expected at Alta Plaza Park at 5:30 AM to kick off a‪#‎doublePRwednesday‬. To receive updates on this breaking story, drop a‪#‎verbal‬ for one of the two ‪#‎rungangs‬!

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Chapter 8- Bring Your “A” Game

You may be wondering why I’m writing about Antara Aiama for a Friday when she’s one of the few people with a reliable history of coming to‪#‎stormthefort‬. Well, it’s because of the letter A. Antara has the distinction of being one of the few (only?) people I know whose first AND last names start and end with the letter A. Plus, she definitely gets an “A” for how she found her way to her first NP workout: bumping into ‪#‎rungang‬ and asking if she could join. Antara, you’re Amazing!

The letter A also reminds me of the hills of San Francisco. Steep and sleek, always reminding you to stay on top of your game. I’m convinced our hill workouts are what makes NPSF the fastest tribe in the world. So let everyone know you’re going to get an “A” for attendance tomorrow and drop a ‪#‎verbal‬!

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Chapter Nine- Finding the Hidden Jems

After this morning’s long run, I found myself in the scary depths of YouTube watching trailers of 1980s cartoons. The one that caught my attention was Jem and the Holograms, the most popular cartoon of 1987. You see, the series is set in a dystopian world in which rival neon-clad rock bands fight for supremacy. The protagonist, Jerrica Benton, has a high tech pair of earrings that transform her into Jem, the lead singer of Jem and the Holograms. Much of the series revolves around greedy record labels trying to capitalize on the band’s popularity, but all Jem wants to do is keep her orphanage up and running.

Now who in NP gets to be Jem? None other than Jessica Midden! Not only does her name resemble Jem’s, Jem was the #1 cartoon when she was born. Jessica has a high tech yoga mat that transforms her into the leader of NPSF’s yoga sessions (‪#‎freefitness‬). If you haven’t met her, make sure to say hello sometime! She brings so much positivity and energy to‪#‎rungang‬ and has a great attendance record too. Drop your verbal to join JeM and the Rungang for ‪#‎stormthefort‬!

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Chapter 10: Alev the Lights

“Yo Mitch, I’m really happy for you and your super firm hugs. Imma let you hug me, but Courtney had one of the most photogenic hugs of all time!”

And she’s coming to ‪#‎rungang‬ tomorrow. Drop your ‪#‎verbals‬!

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Chapter 11: Prove Me Wong

‪#‎Rungang‬ is over. Laura McCloskey’s introduction of a no-stop, no-hug route on Wednesday is a clear sign that the old model of designated stops is falling out of fashion. Seriously, what venture capitalists would throw down money for an organization that runs on hugs and good feelings? Today’s consumers want fast, on-demand service with no gimmicks. There was a time when #rungang drew over 20 users on a single day, but lately they’ve been lucky to break 15. A declining user base can never last long in this climate. #Rungang is toast, and not that $10 invitation-only toast made with flour you grind yourself. Pádraig and Clayton sense the decline and put hills way up in North Beach because they want to put #rungang out of its misery. Nobody *runs* that far when you have cars and Uber and Lyft…

Or do they?

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Chapter 12: Trying to Get Some Johnson and Wang

This ‪#‎rungang‬ post contains explicit content. Please sign in to confirm your age.

Since Dori lamented about how male-heavy ‪#‎breakfastclub‬ has gotten, I’d like to point out that #rungang on Mondays has an abnormally high X:Y chromosome ratio. With the exception of me and Jason Levy, so many of the men that run to the workout on Wednesday and Friday are mysteriously absent on Monday. What’s stopping you from sliding in at any of these street corners? Is it because Mondays are hard? Is the route intimidatingly long? Do we get too close to where Perry got rammed two weeks ago? Does the Panhandle remind you of Willie at Bay to Breakers? ‪#‎Stormthefort‬ is all the fun of streaking but with clothes.

Labor Day ain’t about women giving birth, gentlemen. Drop a ‪#‎verbal‬ and‪#‎justshowup‬! Ladies, you know the drill.

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Chapter 13- Don’t Mess with Mama Lil

What can I say? If ‪#‎rungang‬ were a family, Lillian Christina would definitely be the mom. She brought #rungang into the world and makes sure nobody in her flock gets out of line. Ever try to run a red light with Mama Lil around? I wouldn’t recommend it. She has a sixth sense that detects every car, every evil raccoon, and every disobedient bike. It’s been a pleasure running with her for the last year and a half, and my mood always lights up when I see her bright and early at Page and Cole. I couldn’t imagine a better person to watch over the flock while I’m globetrotting the next two weeks. Drop your ‪#‎verbal‬ to welcome Mama Lil back in style! Big brother signing off…

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This week, we’re heading to the backyard of November Project’s reputed founder, Gil Levy. Let’s meet at Anchor Steam Brewing Company at the Carolina and Mariposa intersection (as there is no houses for a block or two from there).

Friday Hills. Carolina and Mariposa. 5:30 and 6:22AM.

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