Sled Gangs of Denver (DEN)

In case you didn’t hear, all of the museums in Denver and Le Lurve (that’s in Paris) are featuring the workout that took place today in our very city. Today’s exhibit features the “Sled Gangs of Denver”, here to tell the story of the fast times of NP5280, a rugged and weatherproof tribe.  The New York Times raves this is “one you won’t want to miss, and you‘re an idiot should be sorry if you chose your pillow instead of just showing up”. This exhibit aims to give the viewer an experience that will both open their eyes to just how much fun can be had before work and provide photographic evidence that todays workout may have been sledding with a side of hills, as opposed to hills with a side of sledding. Let’s begin.

We start with “The One Upper”.  A rare site to be seen, this only happens when the tribe is given instructions to bring a sledding device including tupperware tops and pizza boxes, while one devious tribe member shows up with a mini snow mobile. Note the expression on the subjects face. This is one that is usually only seen when someone joyfully one ups the rest of the crowd. Well played, sir, well played.

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Here, we see “None Shall Pass”. This picture tells the story of a boy who thought, “If I can’t successfully sled on this minuscule surface area’d oar that I bought from the thrift store, than no one else can sled either!” This ended with a trip to the hospital and an arrest for assault. We all got a great laugh out of it though!

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This one is tiled “I’m screaming on the inside”. And we’ll just leave it at that….
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In stark contrast to the feature we see above, we call this next one “I’m Screaming On the Outside.” This piece tries to, and we think rather successfully, show the emotions one goes through when they are about to hit the jump they didn’t plan to hit. If you look closely at the eyes of this subject, you’ll see this is not an expression of joy. This is pure fear.

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Now allow us to dig you out of your fear hole with this next piece, one titled “Onesie’s have more fun”. The only aim of this piece is to show you that life really is better spent in a onesie. I mean look at how happy they are, just look at them!

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For our final feature, we give you “Pinky and the Brain”. Allow me to explain. It has been clear for a while now that Lauren Goodman moved to Denver to dethrone the NP5280 leaders, take over the tribe and then slowly take over BG and Bojan’s quest for world takeover. Unbeknownst to Goodman, we were there to capture the exact moment in time in which she tried to murder Major Wooderson. Luckily, she was unsuccessful in that task, although take him out she did. An investigation is on going, please stay tuned for further information.

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We thank you for being a part of our exhibit. We hope it inspired you to #getoutside and #beawesome. Last but not least, I’d like to remind you that I want to day drink, raise money for children with cancer and run with you in our underwear. Please sign up for cupids undie run. Registration prices go up TOMORROW. Register here: https://my.cupids.org/NovemberProject.

 

Yours truly, the sled gangs of Denver.

 

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