My Serbian brother Bojan and his overly organized, beautiful wife are having a baby. So, I’m telling the world.
I know you’re not supposed to tell anyone about babies before the 11th tri-mester or 5th quarter or after study hall, or something, but I’m beginning to fear that this little baby isn’t harnessing the hype that she deserves this close to day 1. That’s right, Bojan and Emilie (spelled “Emilio” on Bojan’s ass tattoo that he got in South Florida in 2011 to remind Em that he was then, and forever will be, officially her Serbian-American property) are having a girl baby, I mean, a baby girl.
Now let’s look close at this and review only the facts: My wife and I have 0 babies. When we ask most pre-parents in our life who are expecting a baby if they’d rather have a boy or a girl we get the PC, “we just hope that the baby is healthy.” I truly believe this. Men don’t necessarily want to raise boys, while women don’t need to have daughters. Just “healthy.” Boy. Girl. It is 100% the same thing. Perfect.
And so the Mandarics find out they’re having a girl! Horay! Emilie is pumped and the house is now stuffed full of pink shirts the size of my running gloves.
Now, here’s twist… is it odd timing that Bojan headed out that same week to register himself in the State of Massachusetts to be a permitted gun owner? You decide. Do little girls have to wear pink? Do protective, loyal, badass, mean looking Serbian-American dads all register for daughter protecting guns right away? Seems like we may never fully unearth this information but we do know that each family is as different as each of Boston’s gazillion snowflakes. All I can do is bring you the news, the news full of facts about guns, and babies, and hype, and love, and gloves, and Serbia. Boy, girl, gun, or no gun, I can’t wait to have that little human in this world, covered in grassroots gear of any color, ready to learn the ways of the world.
To the baby girl,
One day you’ll read this little Amanda/Amy/Emilysaul/Katie/Broganna/Dolly/or whatever your secretive, slightly Euro name is. I just want you to know, that I made a hype push for your healthy ass first when your folks didn’t and that I think you’re going to be perfect.
Yeah, there are going to be babies. I fucking love you two… you three humans with all of my oversized heart. Good luck these next few amazing weeks of your life.