Do you remember your 3rd birthday? I don’t. But I could give you a general idea of what it was like: I started by day by falling face down because my head was too big for my body and my glasses took up 3/4’s of my face, offsetting my balance and sending me in constant rush towards the ground. I was probably wearing the same dress as my two sisters. We had all our “friends” over and we celebrated all of our birthdays on the same day because the 3 of us were born within 4 days of one another. Yes, different years, but basically on the same day. People probably called me Kelly all day, I most likely danced my ass off, and I definitely finished the day with a monster dose of sugar. Not too bad, but I’m not sure it compares to Tommy’s 3rd birthday celebration from this morning.
The pterodactyl flew into the dance off circle like he owned the place. Today is his day and he knew it.
“Where my bitches at?” Tommy asked.
Kylie dutifully ran to his side, showing off the cake she made from scratch.
“That’s aight, #kyliebakesacake. Although I hate rockets. But you tried, so for that I will remember you for the next 8 minutes, then I’ll get distracted by the next fine thing that walks my way.”
Tommy then soared above his people as they chanted obscenities. He looked down at his people and thought “I have these minions wrapped around my finger, dressing up like fools on my birthday. Do they know how ridiculous they look? All because I. Am. The. Man.”
“Let’s go, Mom. The time has come for you to give me more treats and rub my head until I fall asleep. (mumbles) I can’t wait to see what they do for when I turn the big 0-4. Vegas? I’ll get Sunish on the planning now.”Share via socials: